I had a day off yesterday which means I wasn't sitting at my desk staring at my email in-box. Instead I was stressing out thinking "What on earth was I thinking, why did I email all those people as if they want to read what I have written, as if I am an expert on anything." I was petrified to turn on my computer and open up my in-box to see a hundred emails of "thanks, but no thanks." So first off I need to explain I will probably only send emails maybe once or twice a week, I forgot to mention that before and I also I am not a great writer or a great Christian for that matter. I am "New" at everything!
This particular one is personal and I was nervous about sending it but I thought well, if I am going to be revealing my heart to you, you might as well know where my heart is right now in the Lord. I don't think the emails will typically be this long or as personal but I do hope to be a toilet plunger, a bathroom mop, a roach motel and a dog food bowl for the Lord. (you will have to read below to figure that out!)
As with many of my stories I have to start at the beginning and this one begins with a message taught by Phil Schaeffer in a Friday night service in which he told us to ask the Lord for a vision. Phil shared that many years ago he was instructed before he was going to be prophesied over that he should write down questions he would like to have answered by the Lord. He wrote down a number of questions and sure enough during the time of Presbytery (where prophets came and prophesied over him) every single one of the questions was answered. So Phil encouraged us to ask the Lord for a vision.
It was an inspiring and powerful message and he encouraged us to come up with a vision and ask the Lord for it. All my life I have really struggled with finding my gifting and calling for what I should do with my life. Therefore asking the Lord for a vision was just as hard, what to have a vision for... So I decided that I wanted to do -Great things for God and would like to get paid for it. (If I have to pay my bills why not be doing the Lord's work) That was my vision of sorts and what I kept praying for until...
About three weeks later in another Friday night service Scott Williams had an awesome message using a video clip about a man by the name of Paul Potts (u-tube his name if you have never seen it) and he preached a message saying that we all have greatness inside of us and that we need to ask the Lord to help us achieve it and to pray for greatness in Him. Wow!
Then Scott says turn to someone next to you and pray together for the Lord to help you become Great in Him. Wow, wow, Wow! I, of course, start freaking out and saying this is what I have already been praying for-- I want to do Great things for God. I instantly connect with the person I was praying with, whom I had just met and start going to her small group that Sunday. (I was reading Mere Christianity at the time and their small group was too, another amazing coincidence ; )
So fast forward 4 months or so later and Oh yeah you guessed it...another Friday night..are you getting the theme here... FRIDAY night SERVICES are AWESOME!!! I had a serious personal, revelation, breakdown, breakthrough, epiphany... the works. I went to the Friday service at 908 for the first time and was just having an incredible time worshiping the Lord and I don't even know how it happened or where it came from...but suddenly I realized thatmy desire for wanting to do Great things for God was just another example of my vanity and pride.
That it is was the wrong desire and it was a big heart wrenching, gut punching, soul shaking revelation,but it felt good and it felt freeing. At first I just stood there during the worship and wrote some of this....
Oh Lord, I don't have to achieve greatness in you. If anything let me do a million little good things for you. Help me not to want to desire greatness in you or greatness in anything, for your glory alone should be my one heart's desire. But let me instead just find some purpose in you, just some purpose, no matter how small or little or lowly or insignificant. Whatever, where ever, whenever, tell me, whisper it to me, give it to me so that I might find how I may further your kingdom here on earth.
Lord please give it to, let me see it,chase after it, seek it with all my heart, find it, do it, claim it and work for it with all my strength. Let me do it all for you, Let me find my purpose in You, in Your kingdom. Let me hear the words at the end of my days "Well done thy good and faithful servant." Let me be a true servant with a true servants heart. Let me grovel at your feet, let me hang my head low, let me show you true obedience in thought, word and deed. Let me never question your commands. Use me Lord, as a humble tool in whatever low base task you need. I will be your toilet plunger Lord, I will be the bathroom mop, I will be the roach motel, I will be the dog food bowl. Whatever, use me to free those who are clogged and stopped up, help me to clean up and care after the sick, help me to find and care for the unwanted and help me to feed those who need to be fed. Lord, use me, let me and help me to find my purpose in You and for You alone!
But wait that's not all...
So I wrote part of this while standing there and then I just got on my knees and was crying and was telling the Lord that I would do whatever He wanted, I would lick the floor there for Him(if you have ever been to 908, its saying something) but see I don't want to sound prideful because this is all about me trying to really, truly give up my pride in everything -even in doing His work. Worship was great and I was just so unbelievably happy with this new knowledge and I got up off my knees and just as I was done dusting them off, a lovely lady I barely know comes over.
She tells me she feels that she needs to share something with me. She says that I am a fruit tree and that it is FINALLY springtime and that I am FINALLY going to bear fruit! But all along I have always been this same fruit tree but it is NOW that I am finally coming into springtime and it is NOW that I will finally bear fruit.
I think the NOW is important. I think I needed to hear this only AFTER I had come to the previous conclusion. God is soooo good. I wrote all of this two days ago but today I read this in my Beth Moore Breaking Free study and think it applies: "Life vastly simplifies and satisfaction greatly amplifies when we begin to realize our awesome roles. God is God. Frankly, it's all about Him. Thank goodness, He is the center of the universe. So how can we live with such a God-centered mentality? Freely! Because with God, it's all about us. We seek to please Him. He seeks to perfect us- and life works. Not without pain, but with purpose. Without the Potter, clay is just dirt."
Hopefully, these emails are one little thing I can do for the Lord and I will trust in Him that by revealing my heart I can touch yours.
As with many of my stories I have to start at the beginning and this one begins with a message taught by Phil Schaeffer in a Friday night service in which he told us to ask the Lord for a vision. Phil shared that many years ago he was instructed before he was going to be prophesied over that he should write down questions he would like to have answered by the Lord. He wrote down a number of questions and sure enough during the time of Presbytery (where prophets came and prophesied over him) every single one of the questions was answered. So Phil encouraged us to ask the Lord for a vision.
It was an inspiring and powerful message and he encouraged us to come up with a vision and ask the Lord for it. All my life I have really struggled with finding my gifting and calling for what I should do with my life. Therefore asking the Lord for a vision was just as hard, what to have a vision for... So I decided that I wanted to do -Great things for God and would like to get paid for it. (If I have to pay my bills why not be doing the Lord's work) That was my vision of sorts and what I kept praying for until...
About three weeks later in another Friday night service Scott Williams had an awesome message using a video clip about a man by the name of Paul Potts (u-tube his name if you have never seen it) and he preached a message saying that we all have greatness inside of us and that we need to ask the Lord to help us achieve it and to pray for greatness in Him. Wow!
Then Scott says turn to someone next to you and pray together for the Lord to help you become Great in Him. Wow, wow, Wow! I, of course, start freaking out and saying this is what I have already been praying for-- I want to do Great things for God. I instantly connect with the person I was praying with, whom I had just met and start going to her small group that Sunday. (I was reading Mere Christianity at the time and their small group was too, another amazing coincidence ; )
So fast forward 4 months or so later and Oh yeah you guessed it...another Friday night..are you getting the theme here... FRIDAY night SERVICES are AWESOME!!! I had a serious personal, revelation, breakdown, breakthrough, epiphany... the works. I went to the Friday service at 908 for the first time and was just having an incredible time worshiping the Lord and I don't even know how it happened or where it came from...but suddenly I realized thatmy desire for wanting to do Great things for God was just another example of my vanity and pride.
That it is was the wrong desire and it was a big heart wrenching, gut punching, soul shaking revelation,but it felt good and it felt freeing. At first I just stood there during the worship and wrote some of this....
Oh Lord, I don't have to achieve greatness in you. If anything let me do a million little good things for you. Help me not to want to desire greatness in you or greatness in anything, for your glory alone should be my one heart's desire. But let me instead just find some purpose in you, just some purpose, no matter how small or little or lowly or insignificant. Whatever, where ever, whenever, tell me, whisper it to me, give it to me so that I might find how I may further your kingdom here on earth.
Lord please give it to, let me see it,chase after it, seek it with all my heart, find it, do it, claim it and work for it with all my strength. Let me do it all for you, Let me find my purpose in You, in Your kingdom. Let me hear the words at the end of my days "Well done thy good and faithful servant." Let me be a true servant with a true servants heart. Let me grovel at your feet, let me hang my head low, let me show you true obedience in thought, word and deed. Let me never question your commands. Use me Lord, as a humble tool in whatever low base task you need. I will be your toilet plunger Lord, I will be the bathroom mop, I will be the roach motel, I will be the dog food bowl. Whatever, use me to free those who are clogged and stopped up, help me to clean up and care after the sick, help me to find and care for the unwanted and help me to feed those who need to be fed. Lord, use me, let me and help me to find my purpose in You and for You alone!
But wait that's not all...
So I wrote part of this while standing there and then I just got on my knees and was crying and was telling the Lord that I would do whatever He wanted, I would lick the floor there for Him(if you have ever been to 908, its saying something) but see I don't want to sound prideful because this is all about me trying to really, truly give up my pride in everything -even in doing His work. Worship was great and I was just so unbelievably happy with this new knowledge and I got up off my knees and just as I was done dusting them off, a lovely lady I barely know comes over.
She tells me she feels that she needs to share something with me. She says that I am a fruit tree and that it is FINALLY springtime and that I am FINALLY going to bear fruit! But all along I have always been this same fruit tree but it is NOW that I am finally coming into springtime and it is NOW that I will finally bear fruit.
I think the NOW is important. I think I needed to hear this only AFTER I had come to the previous conclusion. God is soooo good. I wrote all of this two days ago but today I read this in my Beth Moore Breaking Free study and think it applies: "Life vastly simplifies and satisfaction greatly amplifies when we begin to realize our awesome roles. God is God. Frankly, it's all about Him. Thank goodness, He is the center of the universe. So how can we live with such a God-centered mentality? Freely! Because with God, it's all about us. We seek to please Him. He seeks to perfect us- and life works. Not without pain, but with purpose. Without the Potter, clay is just dirt."
Hopefully, these emails are one little thing I can do for the Lord and I will trust in Him that by revealing my heart I can touch yours.
Heaven helped me 5/1/08
Love Always,
A*
PS. If you haven't noticed it is springtime for everyone right now!
Love Always,
A*
PS. If you haven't noticed it is springtime for everyone right now!
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