I had signed up weeks in advance to go Christmas Caroling with Granny's House which is an awesome charity for kids to participate in after school. It is located in the public housing section next to downtown and provides love, snacks and teaching about Jesus to boys and girls of all ages. The first time I was supposed to go I backed out because I was sick and honestly, I wasn't that enthused about going this time either. It was so cold out and I had been working a lot and not getting enough sleep. I had also signed up my little girl group to join me. I was leaving straight after my 7am to 4pm work shift to go pick up the girls to get there at 5 pm.
As I walking to my car in the parking lot my supervisor chased me down and finally informed me about my potential promotion. I didn't get it. I quickly got in my car and started crying. I was surprised at my tears because I didn't think that I had really cared about it that much, but apparently I did. It wasn't really the slight that stung because the other person had more experience, it was more that I wouldn't be getting the raise I was hoping for; it wasn't that big of a raise but anything would help.
I was driving and crying and decided to take a different way to pick up girl #1. I got thoroughly lost. So now I am driving around lost, angry, sad and crying. I decided that I better call Girl #2's mom and inform her that I was going to be super late and wasn't sure I even wanted to go at this point. I had now seriously escalated into full blown freak out. It wasn't the mom that answered it was actually one of my girls and I just started crying to her about everything. I said I didn't get a promotion so I won't get a raise, I am lost because I am stupid and I am going to be late and I am always late because I am a flake and I don't want to bail on this again and be an even bigger flake. Waaaa waaaa waaaa.
Thankfully my little ten year old friend was thinking more clearly than me and she said, “Well, that means that God probably has a better job for you.” That shut me up. I had finally found the house and Girl #2 jumped in the car just as I was hanging up with Girl # 1. She took one look at my red watery eyes and her bright eyed smile faded and she said, “Are you okay, what's wrong.” I have no idea why the question of what's wrong always so easily reopens a wound. But sure enough the flood gates were reopened and I started crying about how I wasn't going to get the raise I was really hoping for and I had been lost forever; and why do I always get lost, why, why?
Once again my other little friend provided excellent advice also. She said, “Well, maybe God was trying to take you somewhere special while you were lost.” I said, “I was driving around the Parkade neighborhood and I don't think God was trying to take me anywhere, there.” She excitedly piped up, “Oh, did you see my school? You haven't picked me up at that school, you have only been to my summer school.” She was right I now knew how to get to her school. God had definitely taken me somewhere new.
I still wasn't sold on the idea of caroling at this point and girl #1's mom had advised me not to go in my upset and late state. I decided to call Girl #3's foster mom and see what her thoughts were about going. As always, she was as sweet as a pixie stix and said I should do whatever I wanted. Then she softly said as an afterthought the crucial statement of, “You never know, if you go God might show you something.”
I had to go then...when someone says anything like that or “you are going to miss out if you don't” or other such phrases along those lines, I just have to go. I would hate to miss out on anything God might want to specifically reveal to me.
Because we arrived a half an hour late all the kids and adults were already outside of Granny's House and about to set off singing. We were told to join the group already holding hands in a circle. The lady leading the group said, “Let's pray before we go, who wants to pray?” Nobody offered and suddenly girl#1 and #2 are pointing at me saying, “She wants to pray. I thought to myself, “Great I am not in the mood for this, if anything I should pray about my mood.” So I bumbled and mumbled around with a pretty lousy prayer.
When I was done and we were setting off to start caroling I turned on the girls and said, “Gee, thanks a lot for offering me up to pray.” Girl #2 looked at me and she said, “YOU REALLY DID NEED TO PRAY!”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. Wow, was she right! I really did need to pray. I tried to rewind back and recall if I actually prayed during that whole lost, tear fest. Did I or was I just whining? There is definitely a difference. You can pray a whining prayer and or you can also just be complaining to God. I think it was more a big boo-whoo, whoa is me, cry baby tirade and I should have spent that time PRAYING, trusting and relying on my faith in God for my future and finances.
“I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way.” Psalm 142:1-3
It is an easy guess if you think about it, what God showed me while caroling to all the different public housing tenants...
I saw that I was blessed to have the job I do and that so many people would love to have it. What I think is such meager pay would be a lot of money to other people and that I am spoiled in so, so many ways. I should be unendingly thankful to God for every single little and big thing I have- be it my beloved highlighter pens or my paid off car. I have so many blessings, I really have so much and even if I didn't own a thing or I didn't have a condo full of stuff, I would still have a heart full of all the love I feel for everyone.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17
My whole life is a gift, everybody I know is a gift. Every smile or laugh I get is precious and the best present I could ask for from anyone. I am already rich and thinking I am poor is a lie. I am rich in love. I am rich in God's blessing. I am rich with happiness and joy. I am rich with family and friends. I am rich in that I have already lived such a full and unbelievable life and I am still young. I am rich because I am finally coming to realize the reality of how wealthy I really am!
"You have kept count of my wanderings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me? I must perform my vows to you, O God; I will render thank offerings to you. For you have delivered my soul from death, yes, my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of life." Psalm 56:8-13
This story is to be continued because so much more happened that evening.
Heaven helped me 12/22/08
Love Always,
A*
Monday, December 22, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Care Instructions
“...because this garden is your soul. This mess is you! Together, you and I, we have been working with a purpose in your heart. And it is wild and beautiful and perfectly in process. To you it seems like a mess, but to Me, I see a perfect pattern emerging and growing and alive—a living fractal.” --William P . Young
I was doing laundry the other day and had properly sorted through the multi-colored items making piles of whites, lights and darks. Since my mother had lectured me on the proper way to load a washing machine, I now follow what she claims she read straight from the manual. You first add your detergent and then select the settings and wait until the water has filled the tub before dropping the clothes in the now well mixed water and soap. The machine is on and running with the washing stem in the center twisting away while you load your laundry.
I thought all I had were whites and suddenly in the turbulent water entered one of my favorite sweaters that was white with black trim.
Oh no! Black in a load of white with hot water and bleach is not a good combination. Not only could I potentially ruin my sweater, I could ruin everything in the whole load. I frantically tried to pull it out but half of it was already twisting around the twirling center stem. It was like slow motion as the sweater stretched to three times its original size. I had to stick my arm elbow deep in the suds and dig around to wrench it loose. Poor sweater. The one arm I had rescued before it hit the water was dry and normal looking while the rest of the sweater was dripping wet and sadly, super stretched.
I thought, “Oh, no, what do I do. Should I toss it back in, I wonder what temperature of water it should be washed in, can this even be washed in a machine and what is it made out of? Yikes, I know nothing about this lovely sweater other than my liking it. So what did I do, what did I do? I read the care instructions on the tag of course.
There on the tag it told me all about the garment. Where it came from, what it was made of, even the exact combination that comprised the fabric makeup. Knowing what comprised it gave you a better idea of why you need to care for it the way they instructed.
Wouldn't it be awesome if we had, like our clothes, a label with care instructions. Every article of clothing you purchase no matter how teeny it may be has a tag with instructions of how to properly clean, care for and handle it, as well as listing all the materials used to make it. Wow imagine that for people. You take one look at them and know they came from New York which explains the accent. You know that one parent is Italian and the other American Indian which explains the beautiful complexion. And then the greatest part is you know how to handle and treat them.
Hand wash only....beware high maintenance. Dry clean only... expensive to clean and annoying. Hand wash separately.... probably doesn't play well with others? Warm iron if needed....needs a little help getting the kinks out, little rough around the edges? Tumble dry low, avoid high heat.....doesn't react well to stress. Line dry only.....holds a grudge forever and needs lots of time to let go. Machine wash warm, tumble dry....pretty easy going, not to sensitive.
It would make entering a relationship much easier because you know what you are buying upfront. “Honey, you knew I was Hand wash separately, Line dry only when you married me, I am sorry I can't be like you and be a Machine wash, cold gentle cycle. I am 100% silk not a 100% cotton.
I have noticed though that easy is kinda boring. Simple can be nice, but isn't complex so much more interesting. Doesn't the mystery in life make it worth living. If you knew everything you needed to take the best care of yourself would you even do it or would you be hopping in that dryer on high heat just to see what might happen.
If you are wondering about my sweater I read the instructions and said, “Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.” And tossed it in, even though it advised that hot water with bleach was exactly what you shouldn't do, it came out just fine.
So sometimes even when you read the instructions and do NOT follow them things still work out okay. It probably will not be pretty in the middle of it, like my stretched out sweater but it can all be redeemed in the end. Thankfully it is called God's grace and it has been threaded throughout my whole life; we all have it in our fabric makeup. 100% of my happiness is due to His grace being weaved in me when I least deserve it. If you want to know what is on my tag just ask.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;”~Psalm 139:13-18
Lord please help us to take better care of ourselves, reveal to us how we should best care for others and help us to be happy for each and every thread that is in us. Weave us all closer together and closer to you, help us not unravel in the hard times but instead let us just become stronger in every fiber of our being.
Heaven helped me 12/12/08
Love Always,
A*
I was doing laundry the other day and had properly sorted through the multi-colored items making piles of whites, lights and darks. Since my mother had lectured me on the proper way to load a washing machine, I now follow what she claims she read straight from the manual. You first add your detergent and then select the settings and wait until the water has filled the tub before dropping the clothes in the now well mixed water and soap. The machine is on and running with the washing stem in the center twisting away while you load your laundry.
I thought all I had were whites and suddenly in the turbulent water entered one of my favorite sweaters that was white with black trim.
Oh no! Black in a load of white with hot water and bleach is not a good combination. Not only could I potentially ruin my sweater, I could ruin everything in the whole load. I frantically tried to pull it out but half of it was already twisting around the twirling center stem. It was like slow motion as the sweater stretched to three times its original size. I had to stick my arm elbow deep in the suds and dig around to wrench it loose. Poor sweater. The one arm I had rescued before it hit the water was dry and normal looking while the rest of the sweater was dripping wet and sadly, super stretched.
I thought, “Oh, no, what do I do. Should I toss it back in, I wonder what temperature of water it should be washed in, can this even be washed in a machine and what is it made out of? Yikes, I know nothing about this lovely sweater other than my liking it. So what did I do, what did I do? I read the care instructions on the tag of course.
There on the tag it told me all about the garment. Where it came from, what it was made of, even the exact combination that comprised the fabric makeup. Knowing what comprised it gave you a better idea of why you need to care for it the way they instructed.
Wouldn't it be awesome if we had, like our clothes, a label with care instructions. Every article of clothing you purchase no matter how teeny it may be has a tag with instructions of how to properly clean, care for and handle it, as well as listing all the materials used to make it. Wow imagine that for people. You take one look at them and know they came from New York which explains the accent. You know that one parent is Italian and the other American Indian which explains the beautiful complexion. And then the greatest part is you know how to handle and treat them.
Hand wash only....beware high maintenance. Dry clean only... expensive to clean and annoying. Hand wash separately.... probably doesn't play well with others? Warm iron if needed....needs a little help getting the kinks out, little rough around the edges? Tumble dry low, avoid high heat.....doesn't react well to stress. Line dry only.....holds a grudge forever and needs lots of time to let go. Machine wash warm, tumble dry....pretty easy going, not to sensitive.
It would make entering a relationship much easier because you know what you are buying upfront. “Honey, you knew I was Hand wash separately, Line dry only when you married me, I am sorry I can't be like you and be a Machine wash, cold gentle cycle. I am 100% silk not a 100% cotton.
I have noticed though that easy is kinda boring. Simple can be nice, but isn't complex so much more interesting. Doesn't the mystery in life make it worth living. If you knew everything you needed to take the best care of yourself would you even do it or would you be hopping in that dryer on high heat just to see what might happen.
If you are wondering about my sweater I read the instructions and said, “Que sera sera, whatever will be will be.” And tossed it in, even though it advised that hot water with bleach was exactly what you shouldn't do, it came out just fine.
So sometimes even when you read the instructions and do NOT follow them things still work out okay. It probably will not be pretty in the middle of it, like my stretched out sweater but it can all be redeemed in the end. Thankfully it is called God's grace and it has been threaded throughout my whole life; we all have it in our fabric makeup. 100% of my happiness is due to His grace being weaved in me when I least deserve it. If you want to know what is on my tag just ask.
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;”~Psalm 139:13-18
Lord please help us to take better care of ourselves, reveal to us how we should best care for others and help us to be happy for each and every thread that is in us. Weave us all closer together and closer to you, help us not unravel in the hard times but instead let us just become stronger in every fiber of our being.
Heaven helped me 12/12/08
Love Always,
A*
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Game of Life
"The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it." - William James
I decided I wanted to be friends with one of my ten year old campers when she was making me laugh so hard it hurt. She actually had just done a recap of the 5 most embarrassing things I had done at camp, starting with the Plumber incident. (you might recall that story from an old email.) I looked at her and thought to myself how I like hanging out with her and should do it in the future. We had such similar senses of humor and often I would start singing a song and she would join me even if she had never heard it before. I make up my own lyrics and songs all the time so we were quite a duet.
At one point we walked into our cabin and I started singing, "Oh when the saints go marching in, Oh when the saints go marching in, I will still be marching in LATE when the saints go marching in." She thought it was hilarious and started singing it with me and we started stomping around the cabin and when we walked up to each person she would say what they would still be doing. For the other girls it was always a nice characteristic about them like they will still be considerate or helpful, unlike my original negative one of always being late.
Other big revelations occurred which made me decide I should take the time to spend with her but those will have to wait for another story. As with most things it just kinda happened that it ended up being a group of us, myself and three girls one 9 yr old and two 10 yr olds. At camp I had realized that I am multi-ageall. (yeah I made it up, off of multi-lingual - speaking many languages).
--- Multi-ageall means I can pretty much fit in with any and all ages. From the young campers, to the teenage co-counselors and the other adults many of which were older than me, whatever age, I fit in just fine. My number of years never seemed to be an issue and I could relate to all the ages with ease. I can revert right back to immaturity in a heartbeat or did I ever really leave it... point to ponder.
Just the other day my little girl group was hanging out, deciding what we should do next and somebody suggested playing the game -Life. I instantly in a funny voice quipped something like, "Honey, I don't want to play the game Life, I live life every day and it ain't no fun game."
The one 9 year old looked at me intently, then understanding spread across her face as she got the joke and started laughing. She then was said, "Seriously, do you want to play Life."
Seriously, I didn't. I have never liked the game. I never chose to play it as a kid and in my household the only time the board ever came out was when my ever entrepreneurial brother used the spinning wheel of numbers for the game he made up called stock market. In that game you were to give him your allowance and based on the number he spun the stock market either rose or fell and you made more or less money accordingly. It was more like roulette and the house always won. But for brief moments you always had a little more money which made you want to keep playing the market until it crashed and game over your brother has all your deniro.
I told them I would watch them play and help, so they asked me to read the instructions out loud. You have to read the instructions to get the object of the game and learn how to win. They went something like this, first you have to decide if you want a career or to go to college. In a career you instantly get money but if you go to college you will make more money when you randomly pick a salary card. You have a car in which the plastic peg representing you travels around the board and if you decide to get married or have kids additional pegs are added to your car.
As you travel around the board you will land on squares that determine if you get tax breaks which give extra money or if you lose money for car accidents and such. All around the board if you land on certain squares you can get little multicolored "life" tiles randomly. The object of the game is to have the most money and most "life" tiles. Whoever has the most wins.
After reading the rules I said, "Ladies these rules just explained how you win at the game of Life. “How do you think you win in real life?" The ever quick 9 yr old instantly said that she thought it was a lot like the game that you had to go to college, have a family, make a lot of money and have a nice house and car and that is how you win in life. My little camper said yeah, I guess that sounds about right. The quite one in the group just shrugged her shoulders.
When I was telling this story to my sister she interrupted me here and said, "Looks like you are losing at life then." She followed up with one of those fast "just kiddings" but whatever, I told her let me finish the story.
You got to wait for it with kids sometimes, and then sure enough they all looked at me and said, "How do you think you win at life? Those are the moments that matter when they actually ask you a question and are ready to hear your answer and it's not just you droning on in the background like some boring soundtrack to their fast paced thoughts.
I looked at them each in turn and said I think what we are doing right now, this is how you win at life. When you just share your time, experience, life with friends, make new ones and show Jesus' love and how He lights up your life, that, in my opinion, is winning at life. It's not about nice houses and cars or how much money you make, those things don't really matter in God's eyes, it's about sharing Jesus' love with everyone and trying to be more like Him.
You didn't see Jesus being all about the dollar bills and rolling around in a chariot with rims. He was just hanging out, breaking bread with all kinds of people and sharing his wisdom, insight and most importantly His father's love.
My little camper instantly said I like your answer better, I change mine to that. And then they all said yeah, me too. Yippee, ding- ding- ding, you all are on your way to being Big Winners in the game of real life, because realizing what is important is the first step.
It might be worth remembering in these uncertain times when it seems like my brother is still in charge of the stock market and gas for your chariot can bankrupt you, what the Bible says:
Matthew 6:20-21”But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
Hebrews 13:5-6 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
Heaven helped me 10/9/08
God bless you,
Love Always,
A*
I decided I wanted to be friends with one of my ten year old campers when she was making me laugh so hard it hurt. She actually had just done a recap of the 5 most embarrassing things I had done at camp, starting with the Plumber incident. (you might recall that story from an old email.) I looked at her and thought to myself how I like hanging out with her and should do it in the future. We had such similar senses of humor and often I would start singing a song and she would join me even if she had never heard it before. I make up my own lyrics and songs all the time so we were quite a duet.
At one point we walked into our cabin and I started singing, "Oh when the saints go marching in, Oh when the saints go marching in, I will still be marching in LATE when the saints go marching in." She thought it was hilarious and started singing it with me and we started stomping around the cabin and when we walked up to each person she would say what they would still be doing. For the other girls it was always a nice characteristic about them like they will still be considerate or helpful, unlike my original negative one of always being late.
Other big revelations occurred which made me decide I should take the time to spend with her but those will have to wait for another story. As with most things it just kinda happened that it ended up being a group of us, myself and three girls one 9 yr old and two 10 yr olds. At camp I had realized that I am multi-ageall. (yeah I made it up, off of multi-lingual - speaking many languages).
--- Multi-ageall means I can pretty much fit in with any and all ages. From the young campers, to the teenage co-counselors and the other adults many of which were older than me, whatever age, I fit in just fine. My number of years never seemed to be an issue and I could relate to all the ages with ease. I can revert right back to immaturity in a heartbeat or did I ever really leave it... point to ponder.
Just the other day my little girl group was hanging out, deciding what we should do next and somebody suggested playing the game -Life. I instantly in a funny voice quipped something like, "Honey, I don't want to play the game Life, I live life every day and it ain't no fun game."
The one 9 year old looked at me intently, then understanding spread across her face as she got the joke and started laughing. She then was said, "Seriously, do you want to play Life."
Seriously, I didn't. I have never liked the game. I never chose to play it as a kid and in my household the only time the board ever came out was when my ever entrepreneurial brother used the spinning wheel of numbers for the game he made up called stock market. In that game you were to give him your allowance and based on the number he spun the stock market either rose or fell and you made more or less money accordingly. It was more like roulette and the house always won. But for brief moments you always had a little more money which made you want to keep playing the market until it crashed and game over your brother has all your deniro.
I told them I would watch them play and help, so they asked me to read the instructions out loud. You have to read the instructions to get the object of the game and learn how to win. They went something like this, first you have to decide if you want a career or to go to college. In a career you instantly get money but if you go to college you will make more money when you randomly pick a salary card. You have a car in which the plastic peg representing you travels around the board and if you decide to get married or have kids additional pegs are added to your car.
As you travel around the board you will land on squares that determine if you get tax breaks which give extra money or if you lose money for car accidents and such. All around the board if you land on certain squares you can get little multicolored "life" tiles randomly. The object of the game is to have the most money and most "life" tiles. Whoever has the most wins.
After reading the rules I said, "Ladies these rules just explained how you win at the game of Life. “How do you think you win in real life?" The ever quick 9 yr old instantly said that she thought it was a lot like the game that you had to go to college, have a family, make a lot of money and have a nice house and car and that is how you win in life. My little camper said yeah, I guess that sounds about right. The quite one in the group just shrugged her shoulders.
When I was telling this story to my sister she interrupted me here and said, "Looks like you are losing at life then." She followed up with one of those fast "just kiddings" but whatever, I told her let me finish the story.
You got to wait for it with kids sometimes, and then sure enough they all looked at me and said, "How do you think you win at life? Those are the moments that matter when they actually ask you a question and are ready to hear your answer and it's not just you droning on in the background like some boring soundtrack to their fast paced thoughts.
I looked at them each in turn and said I think what we are doing right now, this is how you win at life. When you just share your time, experience, life with friends, make new ones and show Jesus' love and how He lights up your life, that, in my opinion, is winning at life. It's not about nice houses and cars or how much money you make, those things don't really matter in God's eyes, it's about sharing Jesus' love with everyone and trying to be more like Him.
You didn't see Jesus being all about the dollar bills and rolling around in a chariot with rims. He was just hanging out, breaking bread with all kinds of people and sharing his wisdom, insight and most importantly His father's love.
My little camper instantly said I like your answer better, I change mine to that. And then they all said yeah, me too. Yippee, ding- ding- ding, you all are on your way to being Big Winners in the game of real life, because realizing what is important is the first step.
It might be worth remembering in these uncertain times when it seems like my brother is still in charge of the stock market and gas for your chariot can bankrupt you, what the Bible says:
Matthew 6:20-21”But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”
Hebrews 13:5-6 “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”
Heaven helped me 10/9/08
God bless you,
Love Always,
A*
Friday, December 12, 2008
5 Minute Friends
"The only way to have a friend is to be one." Ralph Waldo Emerson
This might seem like bragging but it is actually only bragging about how cool God is and that He can use anybody. Many of the particulars of this story are a little foggy. I will begin where my memory was first jolted back into the misty past. I don't remember if I was in Kansas City again or Columbia, but I remember I was in a crowded location like a mall, with a group of people. Suddenly this woman around my age starts yelling my name and comes over and hugs me and says, “I always wondered if I would ever see you again.”
I am looking at her and have absolutely no earthly idea who she is or where I might know her from. I am frantically flipping through my mental Rolodex. Oblivious to my lack of recognition she just keeps gushing, “Oh my goodness, you have no idea how you changed my life. I just don't know where I would be if I hadn't met you that night. Wow, I always wanted to thank you, you just have no idea what you said meant to me.”
I am feeling completely bewildered and wondering if she has the wrong person. Meanwhile the group I was with have walked a safe distance away and are staring at us giving me facial expressions like should we save you from this loony fan.
She then noticed my hesitancy and my friends and said, “Oh, I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something, I will let you go in a second. I just always hoped I would see you again so that I could thank you. I guess you might not remember it, it was a long time ago but I was in Westport in Kansas City and was fighting with my boyfriend. He was standing over me yelling all kinds of horrible things and I was sitting on the curb crying. You came out of nowhere and sat down next to me and put your arm around me and said that I didn't have to listen to him. Because what he was saying was not true and that I was worth so much more. And that nobody ever deserves to be talked to that way and life is too short to let someone treat you so badly. You said I was too smart and too pretty, Jesus loved me and that I was worth so much more than this. Then you hopped up and started walking away and I asked you your name and you told me it and said you would be praying for me.”
Suddenly I started remembering that night. Bits and pieces and flashes of images are coming back to me. And I tell her that I remember it now but I am still pretty speechless and dazed.
She said after you walked away, I realized you were right and I left him and never went back. Now I have met a great guy who isn't abusive and we are going to get married. I don't know if I ever would have left him since I had been listening to his lies and putting up with his abuse for years and years. So thank you so much for your hug and kind words when I needed them. She hugged me again and walked away.
I would like to think I had some good parting words here, like I will keep praying for you and God bless you and what is your name again, but I honestly don't think any of that happened. I think I was still kinda standing there in shock till the group I was with came over and asked, “what was that all about?” I don't even think I tried to tell them the story. I never knew this girl's name and both times our encounters were maybe five minutes long.
It is so obvious to me how God put me in the right place, at the right time and gave me the right words to say to this girl. And that five minutes can make a world of difference, it can change your mind and change your world.
“Giving is the secret of a healthy life. Not necessarily money, but whatever a man has of encouragement and sympathy and understanding.” --John D. Rockefeller, Jr.
The great, big irony and the part that really, really speaks to me about this story is the condition I was in at the time. This story happened lifetimes ago for me and in actual time it was anywhere from 5-7 years ago. I was such a different person then and was so deep in a sin filled lifestyle and didn't even know it.
Here are a few of the things I remember about that night: For one I was drunk, very drunk which is the big reason my memory is a foggy haze. I had on a new pair of black and white striped pants. I remember the pants because I remember sitting on the curb with her and they were doing funny things to my eyes....beer goggles aren't very clear. I also remember when I walked away from the girl my friends said to me, “What on earth were you thinking sitting on the filthy sidewalk in white pants. Do you even know her.” I think I mumbled something about how I needed to talk to her.
That is pretty much all I remember about that night. I don't remember “helping” anybody. I don't remember imparting any words of wisdom. I am pretty sure we were walking to another bar when I happened upon her. I am sure I proceeded to get even more inebriated in the next bar.
And that is the real beauty in this story. The real beauty is that I was a complete and utter mess, I was just as lost as she and probably needed a hug myself. But God.... But God was still able in my flawed, foggy mind to reach me and help me to reach out to someone else in need. I didn't know what I was doing or how God would use it, but He did. He can use anybody, anytime, any place for any thing. He can, He did and He will continue to. I believe it, know it and can't wait to see it.
Lord please use us all to do your work. Lead us to help and hug those in need and impart to them Your word and Your wisdom when they need it most. Put us in the right place at the right time and give us the courage to do Your will. Reveal to us that we are all capable of doing so much for you and help us to be willing to do it everyday.
“What I kept, I lost,
What I spent, I had,
What I gave, I have.”
--Persian Proverb
Heaven helped me 12/8/08
God bless you today!
Love Always,
Amaris*
This might seem like bragging but it is actually only bragging about how cool God is and that He can use anybody. Many of the particulars of this story are a little foggy. I will begin where my memory was first jolted back into the misty past. I don't remember if I was in Kansas City again or Columbia, but I remember I was in a crowded location like a mall, with a group of people. Suddenly this woman around my age starts yelling my name and comes over and hugs me and says, “I always wondered if I would ever see you again.”
I am looking at her and have absolutely no earthly idea who she is or where I might know her from. I am frantically flipping through my mental Rolodex. Oblivious to my lack of recognition she just keeps gushing, “Oh my goodness, you have no idea how you changed my life. I just don't know where I would be if I hadn't met you that night. Wow, I always wanted to thank you, you just have no idea what you said meant to me.”
I am feeling completely bewildered and wondering if she has the wrong person. Meanwhile the group I was with have walked a safe distance away and are staring at us giving me facial expressions like should we save you from this loony fan.
She then noticed my hesitancy and my friends and said, “Oh, I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something, I will let you go in a second. I just always hoped I would see you again so that I could thank you. I guess you might not remember it, it was a long time ago but I was in Westport in Kansas City and was fighting with my boyfriend. He was standing over me yelling all kinds of horrible things and I was sitting on the curb crying. You came out of nowhere and sat down next to me and put your arm around me and said that I didn't have to listen to him. Because what he was saying was not true and that I was worth so much more. And that nobody ever deserves to be talked to that way and life is too short to let someone treat you so badly. You said I was too smart and too pretty, Jesus loved me and that I was worth so much more than this. Then you hopped up and started walking away and I asked you your name and you told me it and said you would be praying for me.”
Suddenly I started remembering that night. Bits and pieces and flashes of images are coming back to me. And I tell her that I remember it now but I am still pretty speechless and dazed.
She said after you walked away, I realized you were right and I left him and never went back. Now I have met a great guy who isn't abusive and we are going to get married. I don't know if I ever would have left him since I had been listening to his lies and putting up with his abuse for years and years. So thank you so much for your hug and kind words when I needed them. She hugged me again and walked away.
I would like to think I had some good parting words here, like I will keep praying for you and God bless you and what is your name again, but I honestly don't think any of that happened. I think I was still kinda standing there in shock till the group I was with came over and asked, “what was that all about?” I don't even think I tried to tell them the story. I never knew this girl's name and both times our encounters were maybe five minutes long.
It is so obvious to me how God put me in the right place, at the right time and gave me the right words to say to this girl. And that five minutes can make a world of difference, it can change your mind and change your world.
“Giving is the secret of a healthy life. Not necessarily money, but whatever a man has of encouragement and sympathy and understanding.” --John D. Rockefeller, Jr.
The great, big irony and the part that really, really speaks to me about this story is the condition I was in at the time. This story happened lifetimes ago for me and in actual time it was anywhere from 5-7 years ago. I was such a different person then and was so deep in a sin filled lifestyle and didn't even know it.
Here are a few of the things I remember about that night: For one I was drunk, very drunk which is the big reason my memory is a foggy haze. I had on a new pair of black and white striped pants. I remember the pants because I remember sitting on the curb with her and they were doing funny things to my eyes....beer goggles aren't very clear. I also remember when I walked away from the girl my friends said to me, “What on earth were you thinking sitting on the filthy sidewalk in white pants. Do you even know her.” I think I mumbled something about how I needed to talk to her.
That is pretty much all I remember about that night. I don't remember “helping” anybody. I don't remember imparting any words of wisdom. I am pretty sure we were walking to another bar when I happened upon her. I am sure I proceeded to get even more inebriated in the next bar.
And that is the real beauty in this story. The real beauty is that I was a complete and utter mess, I was just as lost as she and probably needed a hug myself. But God.... But God was still able in my flawed, foggy mind to reach me and help me to reach out to someone else in need. I didn't know what I was doing or how God would use it, but He did. He can use anybody, anytime, any place for any thing. He can, He did and He will continue to. I believe it, know it and can't wait to see it.
Lord please use us all to do your work. Lead us to help and hug those in need and impart to them Your word and Your wisdom when they need it most. Put us in the right place at the right time and give us the courage to do Your will. Reveal to us that we are all capable of doing so much for you and help us to be willing to do it everyday.
“What I kept, I lost,
What I spent, I had,
What I gave, I have.”
--Persian Proverb
Heaven helped me 12/8/08
God bless you today!
Love Always,
Amaris*
Pudding Pool
“If the sun of God's countenance shine upon me, I may well be content to be wet with the rain of affliction.” --Joseph Hall
Imagine with me for a moment...if you had a swimming pool and filled it with chocolate pudding. Now when you jumped in what would you be swimming in? Not a trick question here, you would be swimming in chocolate pudding. If you jumped in expecting to be surrounded by crystal clear, refreshing and cool water you would be sorely disappointed. But what do you expect, if you filled it with chocolate pudding? You should notice before jumping in that you would be covered in gooey, brown slime.
This might seem like fun for about one day. Overnight raccoons, rodents and opossums would have drowned in it. It would have a haze of flies hovering over it, laying eggs that would soon be maggots. The milk products in it would have soured in the hot sun and you would have a stagnant, stinking mess.
Does it still sound like fun to jump in on day 2?
Life is like this pool. If you constantly fill your backyard bathtub with negative thoughts, mean observations of others, criticism of self and everyone else, gossip, whining, self-hatred, regret, unforgiveness, bitterness...etc, then what do you expect to be swimming in? What do think you will feel and see when you are wading around in this negative and nasty soup?
“Beware of despairing about yourself: you are commanded to put your trust in God, and not in yourself.” --St. Augustine
What you fill your head with is what comes out of your mouth. It affects your actions, facial expressions, feelings, attitude every part of you is touched by what you are allowing to splash around in the tide pool in your temples. What you fill your head with is what radiates off of you. Others can see and smell the stink of the spoiled sludge miles away. Not to mention how bored they are of hearing it spill forth from your mouth.
A friend of mine whose husband is a psychiatrist had accompanied him to a conference on changing brain pathways. Basically your thought patterns are like creek beds and that when you have a stressful stimulus you typically react in the same way and your brain travels down the familiar pathway, like water taking the path of least resistance. She was telling me that with practice you can actually re-route and redirect where your brain typically goes. So if when you get upset about something you instantly go to a sing-song chant of negativity for instance saying to yourself, “your fat, lazy, old and worthless over and over again.” You could instead stop that and instead sing to yourself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
I speak from personal experience in that this can work and you can change where your thoughts habitually go. Take the high road not the low road. If you are always looking for the ugliness in others it won't be hard to see. If instead you try to think, feel and see the best in yourself and others you might be surprised at what you find.
If when you walk into your friend's newly decorated room and the first thing you see is what you don't like, take a breath, and find what you do like and then speak. If it's your own house stop staring at the stain on the carpet and instead focus on the pretty picture on the wall.
It's not too late to clean out your pool and start with fresh water. Start putting on a water filter to first catch and stop pollutants from entering. Pray and ask the Lord to help you to redirect the pathways in your brain to go to positive and encouraging messages instead of negative. Constantly get out the little net and clear out the debris that has wafted into your water. Just because it's in there doesn't mean it has to stay. Toss out the recurring record of hopelessness and instead put on a positive track of praise and worship. Remind yourself that, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!”
“When you have no helpers, see all your helpers in God. When you have many helpers, see God in all your helpers. When you have nothing but God, see all in God; when you have everything, see God in everything. Under all conditions, stay thy heart only on the Lord.” --Charles H. Spurgeon
Please dear Lord, open our eyes, hearts, minds and very souls to see ourselves and others with the love You have for us. Help us to change our minds and change our thoughts to focus on the positive, banish the negative and work towards seeing You in everyone.
“Finally, brothers whatever is true,whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise worthy, think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Heaven helped me 12/4/08
Love Always,
A*
Imagine with me for a moment...if you had a swimming pool and filled it with chocolate pudding. Now when you jumped in what would you be swimming in? Not a trick question here, you would be swimming in chocolate pudding. If you jumped in expecting to be surrounded by crystal clear, refreshing and cool water you would be sorely disappointed. But what do you expect, if you filled it with chocolate pudding? You should notice before jumping in that you would be covered in gooey, brown slime.
This might seem like fun for about one day. Overnight raccoons, rodents and opossums would have drowned in it. It would have a haze of flies hovering over it, laying eggs that would soon be maggots. The milk products in it would have soured in the hot sun and you would have a stagnant, stinking mess.
Does it still sound like fun to jump in on day 2?
Life is like this pool. If you constantly fill your backyard bathtub with negative thoughts, mean observations of others, criticism of self and everyone else, gossip, whining, self-hatred, regret, unforgiveness, bitterness...etc, then what do you expect to be swimming in? What do think you will feel and see when you are wading around in this negative and nasty soup?
“Beware of despairing about yourself: you are commanded to put your trust in God, and not in yourself.” --St. Augustine
What you fill your head with is what comes out of your mouth. It affects your actions, facial expressions, feelings, attitude every part of you is touched by what you are allowing to splash around in the tide pool in your temples. What you fill your head with is what radiates off of you. Others can see and smell the stink of the spoiled sludge miles away. Not to mention how bored they are of hearing it spill forth from your mouth.
A friend of mine whose husband is a psychiatrist had accompanied him to a conference on changing brain pathways. Basically your thought patterns are like creek beds and that when you have a stressful stimulus you typically react in the same way and your brain travels down the familiar pathway, like water taking the path of least resistance. She was telling me that with practice you can actually re-route and redirect where your brain typically goes. So if when you get upset about something you instantly go to a sing-song chant of negativity for instance saying to yourself, “your fat, lazy, old and worthless over and over again.” You could instead stop that and instead sing to yourself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13
I speak from personal experience in that this can work and you can change where your thoughts habitually go. Take the high road not the low road. If you are always looking for the ugliness in others it won't be hard to see. If instead you try to think, feel and see the best in yourself and others you might be surprised at what you find.
If when you walk into your friend's newly decorated room and the first thing you see is what you don't like, take a breath, and find what you do like and then speak. If it's your own house stop staring at the stain on the carpet and instead focus on the pretty picture on the wall.
It's not too late to clean out your pool and start with fresh water. Start putting on a water filter to first catch and stop pollutants from entering. Pray and ask the Lord to help you to redirect the pathways in your brain to go to positive and encouraging messages instead of negative. Constantly get out the little net and clear out the debris that has wafted into your water. Just because it's in there doesn't mean it has to stay. Toss out the recurring record of hopelessness and instead put on a positive track of praise and worship. Remind yourself that, “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!”
“When you have no helpers, see all your helpers in God. When you have many helpers, see God in all your helpers. When you have nothing but God, see all in God; when you have everything, see God in everything. Under all conditions, stay thy heart only on the Lord.” --Charles H. Spurgeon
Please dear Lord, open our eyes, hearts, minds and very souls to see ourselves and others with the love You have for us. Help us to change our minds and change our thoughts to focus on the positive, banish the negative and work towards seeing You in everyone.
“Finally, brothers whatever is true,whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise worthy, think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
Heaven helped me 12/4/08
Love Always,
A*
Live in the Now
“Blow wind of God and set us free from hate and want of charity; strip off the trappings of our pride, and give us to our brother's side.” --William Charles Braithwaite
Whenever I spend time with my ten year old girl group I constantly have to remind one of them to “live in the now”. She is always wanting to worry about what are we doing after this or when are we going to meet again, and when we do, what will we do.
I always have to tell her not to waste our current time together worrying about our future time together. That is in the future, lets enjoy and live it up in the NOW! The last time we went on a hay ride another one of the girls brought up going home and she got so upset. I tried to rationalize with her that obviously we were going to have leave sometime. We couldn't ride around behind a tractor all day long sitting on prickly hay bails, eventually she would have to go home to her family.
Ten year olds don't exactly have the best logic skills hammered out yet. I believe there was some arm crossing and pouty faces pulled after my attempts to explain the inevitable.
In an effort to cheer her up I decided to bring up one of her favorite topics of -- what will we do next time we get together. One of the girls suggested having a sleep over and her older sister whom I had invited to join our group for the first time, said, “Yeah that sounds like fun.”
Wow, it was like a scene from the exorcist as her little sister's head swiveled so fast I thought she might have whiplash. The change in her demeanor was that dramatic. She instantly spit out that there was no room for her to join our group and that she absolutely could not play with us again. For emphasis she pointed to each one of us and said, “Only us four are in this group, not you, you are not in our group.”
Ooops, my bad at trying to make room for one more. I had never heard her talk so fast or so vehemently. I was definitely seeing some new sides to my sweet little girls. Interestingly I had once been talking to her foster mom while she was standing there and I said, “Yeah we need to come up with a name for our group, because I never know what to call us.” Her mom suggested “the three musketeers.” And she instantly said, “No, mom that won't work because there are FOUR of us not three, duh.”
I am not going to lie, it made me inwardly smile that to her little four foot self ,I was an equal. We were all the same height in our group. I wasn't some big looming “adult.” I was one of them.
So back to the hay ride...now three out of the five people are mad as we bounce alongside the corn field. Awesome. Thankfully the only little girl not mad stepped up and gave a lecture along the lines of: “Look we are here together now, lets make the most of today and have fun. I want to have fun, don't you, so come on lets have fun.” Well put, well said and all the better that it wasn't coming from me. We did just that and had a good time the rest of the day.
I grew up reading a story about two little mice and one mouse worked all summer long storing up food and provisions for the coming winter. The other little mouse ran around and played all day and did nothing to prepare for the seasons changing. When winter came the one mouse that had spent all summer working was safe, snug and well fed in his warm house. Sadly, the other mouse because he didn't prepare for winter was starving out in the cold.
So the spin I like to put on this story goes a little different. When all the trees are losing their leaves and the winter wind starts to blow both of the mice happen to cross the street at the same time and they both get hit by a bus. Poor mice. Which mouse had a happier last year of life, the one that worked all day constantly preparing for the future or the one that danced away all his days playing in the sunshine?
Would I rather be here at work bored to death at my desk or outside smelling the fresh air? Pretty easy answer. Obviously, though, I can't scamper out of here and go bask in the sunny rays outside, I don't get paid for that. We have to think about the future because if we don't get hit by a bus then we don't want to be freezing our tails off, hungry and unhappy come winter.
“Life has burdens that no one can escape. Christianity does not remove the load: it teaches us how best to bear the burdens that fall rightly to us.” --Anonymous
So where is the happy medium. I would suggest don't forget to “Live in the NOW.” Worrying about the future and current economy actually isn't going to make it any better. Mental preparation does not include constantly whining, worrying and obsessing. I don't think that would be storing up for winter. Praying, trusting in God, looking in His word for comfort, no discretionary spending and making informed decisions on your current finances and investments might be the better way to go.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes...12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life...12:30 For the pagan world runs after all such things and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.” ~Luke 12:22-30 (abbreviated)
Stressing about the bus or hoping it comes sooner has no bearing on whether or not you get hit by it. It is inevitable. Perhaps if the mice had combined efforts and played and worked together they would have had more fun and gotten more done. Instead of criticizing, judging, and thinking they were superior, they should have explained and helped one another see each other's view points. I think they both were lacking essentials in their life. “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy... or something like that.”
If anything the hard working one should have at least smiled in the sun as he was gathering his food for later. He should have lived in the now and attempted to enjoy his work while preparing for the future. As usual and as always I am talking to myself. I need to buck up and smile a whole heck of a lot more here at my workplace. Pouting about finances doesn't pay the bills, but man if it did.... Living in oblivion, ignorance is bliss and yada, yada are no help either, sad to say. Ignoring your bills by piling them on your desk doesn't get them paid by the tooth fairy. Living in the Now also involves accepting and doing something positive in your current situation no matter what it may be.
“My God, give me neither poverty nor riches, but whatsoever it may be thy will to give, give me, with it, a heart that knows humbly to acquiesce in what is thy will.” --J.E.L. Gotthold
Lord, let our hearts not worry or yearn for the future but let us instead look forward to only more of Your goodness. Please help us to put our trust in You, while valiantly working with joy in all that you give us to do, this day and the next. Help us live our lives to the fullest everyday and avoid the bus a little while longer.
Heaven helped me 11/22/08
A*
(*I honestly have no earthly idea if I heard this phrase, “Live in the Now” somewhere else so I apologize if it originates elsewhere.)
Whenever I spend time with my ten year old girl group I constantly have to remind one of them to “live in the now”. She is always wanting to worry about what are we doing after this or when are we going to meet again, and when we do, what will we do.
I always have to tell her not to waste our current time together worrying about our future time together. That is in the future, lets enjoy and live it up in the NOW! The last time we went on a hay ride another one of the girls brought up going home and she got so upset. I tried to rationalize with her that obviously we were going to have leave sometime. We couldn't ride around behind a tractor all day long sitting on prickly hay bails, eventually she would have to go home to her family.
Ten year olds don't exactly have the best logic skills hammered out yet. I believe there was some arm crossing and pouty faces pulled after my attempts to explain the inevitable.
In an effort to cheer her up I decided to bring up one of her favorite topics of -- what will we do next time we get together. One of the girls suggested having a sleep over and her older sister whom I had invited to join our group for the first time, said, “Yeah that sounds like fun.”
Wow, it was like a scene from the exorcist as her little sister's head swiveled so fast I thought she might have whiplash. The change in her demeanor was that dramatic. She instantly spit out that there was no room for her to join our group and that she absolutely could not play with us again. For emphasis she pointed to each one of us and said, “Only us four are in this group, not you, you are not in our group.”
Ooops, my bad at trying to make room for one more. I had never heard her talk so fast or so vehemently. I was definitely seeing some new sides to my sweet little girls. Interestingly I had once been talking to her foster mom while she was standing there and I said, “Yeah we need to come up with a name for our group, because I never know what to call us.” Her mom suggested “the three musketeers.” And she instantly said, “No, mom that won't work because there are FOUR of us not three, duh.”
I am not going to lie, it made me inwardly smile that to her little four foot self ,I was an equal. We were all the same height in our group. I wasn't some big looming “adult.” I was one of them.
So back to the hay ride...now three out of the five people are mad as we bounce alongside the corn field. Awesome. Thankfully the only little girl not mad stepped up and gave a lecture along the lines of: “Look we are here together now, lets make the most of today and have fun. I want to have fun, don't you, so come on lets have fun.” Well put, well said and all the better that it wasn't coming from me. We did just that and had a good time the rest of the day.
I grew up reading a story about two little mice and one mouse worked all summer long storing up food and provisions for the coming winter. The other little mouse ran around and played all day and did nothing to prepare for the seasons changing. When winter came the one mouse that had spent all summer working was safe, snug and well fed in his warm house. Sadly, the other mouse because he didn't prepare for winter was starving out in the cold.
So the spin I like to put on this story goes a little different. When all the trees are losing their leaves and the winter wind starts to blow both of the mice happen to cross the street at the same time and they both get hit by a bus. Poor mice. Which mouse had a happier last year of life, the one that worked all day constantly preparing for the future or the one that danced away all his days playing in the sunshine?
Would I rather be here at work bored to death at my desk or outside smelling the fresh air? Pretty easy answer. Obviously, though, I can't scamper out of here and go bask in the sunny rays outside, I don't get paid for that. We have to think about the future because if we don't get hit by a bus then we don't want to be freezing our tails off, hungry and unhappy come winter.
“Life has burdens that no one can escape. Christianity does not remove the load: it teaches us how best to bear the burdens that fall rightly to us.” --Anonymous
So where is the happy medium. I would suggest don't forget to “Live in the NOW.” Worrying about the future and current economy actually isn't going to make it any better. Mental preparation does not include constantly whining, worrying and obsessing. I don't think that would be storing up for winter. Praying, trusting in God, looking in His word for comfort, no discretionary spending and making informed decisions on your current finances and investments might be the better way to go.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes...12:25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life...12:30 For the pagan world runs after all such things and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom and these things will be given to you as well.” ~Luke 12:22-30 (abbreviated)
Stressing about the bus or hoping it comes sooner has no bearing on whether or not you get hit by it. It is inevitable. Perhaps if the mice had combined efforts and played and worked together they would have had more fun and gotten more done. Instead of criticizing, judging, and thinking they were superior, they should have explained and helped one another see each other's view points. I think they both were lacking essentials in their life. “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy... or something like that.”
If anything the hard working one should have at least smiled in the sun as he was gathering his food for later. He should have lived in the now and attempted to enjoy his work while preparing for the future. As usual and as always I am talking to myself. I need to buck up and smile a whole heck of a lot more here at my workplace. Pouting about finances doesn't pay the bills, but man if it did.... Living in oblivion, ignorance is bliss and yada, yada are no help either, sad to say. Ignoring your bills by piling them on your desk doesn't get them paid by the tooth fairy. Living in the Now also involves accepting and doing something positive in your current situation no matter what it may be.
“My God, give me neither poverty nor riches, but whatsoever it may be thy will to give, give me, with it, a heart that knows humbly to acquiesce in what is thy will.” --J.E.L. Gotthold
Lord, let our hearts not worry or yearn for the future but let us instead look forward to only more of Your goodness. Please help us to put our trust in You, while valiantly working with joy in all that you give us to do, this day and the next. Help us live our lives to the fullest everyday and avoid the bus a little while longer.
Heaven helped me 11/22/08
A*
(*I honestly have no earthly idea if I heard this phrase, “Live in the Now” somewhere else so I apologize if it originates elsewhere.)
Handle It
I just walked into the break-room at work and a woman was talking on the phone and she was asking the other person on the line in a very concerned way, “Can you handle it, can you handle it?” She repeated it a few times. I thought to myself I hope that person is okay and I hope they CAN handle it.
What if I was asked that question before I undertook things? What if God asked me that before he gave me something-- what would be my real, true and honest answer? How often would I sell myself short and say, “No, I can not do that, I can't take it, and more importantly I don't want to do it.
My mother tells me that when I was little and got really mad I would say, “I am going to go lay down in street and when I get run over, you are going to be sorry.” I think I must have dreamed that up after watching to much Wiley Coyote and Road Runner cartoons.
Unfortunately I still think that the give up, go lay in the street attitude is still part of my chemical makeup. If something seems really hard, too big to tackle, or extremely unpleasant, I just want to scream, “Aaaahhhh, I can't do it- don't make me- I give up!”
Lately in the midst of my whining I try and remember that other people really have a lot to handle and they do so with grace. “Saints are persons who make it easier for others to believe in God”-Nathan Soderblom
I constantly look at these two blogs of some “saints” and try and learn from others lives:
I look to Amanda's to be inspired on courage and joy in the midst of cancer.
http://cheersforamanda.blogspot.com/
And I look to my bro-in-law for a good laugh on how to juggle 4 girls, 3 under the age of two.
http://www.hadleymakesthree.blogspot.com/
I don't know what they all might have said had they been asked if they could handle it, but they are handling it—Beautifully.
I am sure there are ups and downs, highs and lows, doldrums and typhoons on a day to day basis; but I think because of the solid bedrock of the love and constancy of the Lord in their lives they shine with a testimony that proclaims, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
“A true saint is a divine landscape or picture, where all the rare beauties of Christ are lively portrayed and drawn forth. He hath the same spirit, the same judgment, the same will with Christ.”-Thomas Watson
“God could have kept Daniel out of the lion's den...He could have kept Paul and Silas out of jail—He could have kept the three Hebrew children out of the fiery furnace....But God has never promised to keep us out of hard places....What He has promised is to go with us through every hard place, and to bring us through victoriously.” --Merv Rosell
Lord please help me to have a better attitude with whatever comes my way and enable me to handle more and more and in return give more and more. Please give strength and encouragement to all the weary saints and give them abundant joy and peace deep down in their core.
God bless you today!
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me 11/1/08
Be that as it may, I constantly sign up and volunteer for all kinds of different things. If someone asks me to help with something I rarely say no. I like helping, I really do. I once tried to examine all my motives to see if they were selfish, glory seeking or because I want everyone to like me which I am sure there is a little of all of those in there, but really and truly I like helping. Ever since first grade where I learned the golden rule I have tried to live it. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
What if I was asked that question before I undertook things? What if God asked me that before he gave me something-- what would be my real, true and honest answer? How often would I sell myself short and say, “No, I can not do that, I can't take it, and more importantly I don't want to do it.
My mother tells me that when I was little and got really mad I would say, “I am going to go lay down in street and when I get run over, you are going to be sorry.” I think I must have dreamed that up after watching to much Wiley Coyote and Road Runner cartoons.
Unfortunately I still think that the give up, go lay in the street attitude is still part of my chemical makeup. If something seems really hard, too big to tackle, or extremely unpleasant, I just want to scream, “Aaaahhhh, I can't do it- don't make me- I give up!”
Lately in the midst of my whining I try and remember that other people really have a lot to handle and they do so with grace. “Saints are persons who make it easier for others to believe in God”-Nathan Soderblom
I constantly look at these two blogs of some “saints” and try and learn from others lives:
I look to Amanda's to be inspired on courage and joy in the midst of cancer.
http://cheersforamanda.blogspot.com/
And I look to my bro-in-law for a good laugh on how to juggle 4 girls, 3 under the age of two.
http://www.hadleymakesthree.blogspot.com/
I don't know what they all might have said had they been asked if they could handle it, but they are handling it—Beautifully.
I am sure there are ups and downs, highs and lows, doldrums and typhoons on a day to day basis; but I think because of the solid bedrock of the love and constancy of the Lord in their lives they shine with a testimony that proclaims, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”
“A true saint is a divine landscape or picture, where all the rare beauties of Christ are lively portrayed and drawn forth. He hath the same spirit, the same judgment, the same will with Christ.”-Thomas Watson
“God could have kept Daniel out of the lion's den...He could have kept Paul and Silas out of jail—He could have kept the three Hebrew children out of the fiery furnace....But God has never promised to keep us out of hard places....What He has promised is to go with us through every hard place, and to bring us through victoriously.” --Merv Rosell
Lord please help me to have a better attitude with whatever comes my way and enable me to handle more and more and in return give more and more. Please give strength and encouragement to all the weary saints and give them abundant joy and peace deep down in their core.
God bless you today!
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me 11/1/08
Be that as it may, I constantly sign up and volunteer for all kinds of different things. If someone asks me to help with something I rarely say no. I like helping, I really do. I once tried to examine all my motives to see if they were selfish, glory seeking or because I want everyone to like me which I am sure there is a little of all of those in there, but really and truly I like helping. Ever since first grade where I learned the golden rule I have tried to live it. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Expectant
~“Hope writes the poetry of the boy, but memory that of the man. Man looks forward with smiles, but backward with sighs. Such is the wise providence of God. The cup of life is sweetness at the brim—the flavor is impaired as we drink deeper, and the dregs are made bitter that we may not struggle when it is taken from our lips.”~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I was walking through the grocery store the other day and they must have had the soundtrack to a good movie playing through the sound system. The music corresponded to some really touching part of the movie, it was uplifting and expectant. Maybe the actors were leaning in for the first kiss, running to freedom or finally found their lost child. Whatever scene it went with the music was preparing you for something wonderful to happen. Something beautiful you were wanting, waiting or hoping for was finally happening or about to.
I thought to myself, so this is the soundtrack to my life right now, so what is about to happen? I kinda peeped around wondering if a knight in shinning armor was about to barrel down the cracker aisle at me. My heart started beating a little faster, who knows what might happen, who I might run into or see. I didn't know, but I was expectant.
Guess what? Nothing exciting happened. There was no smooching in the aisles, no long lost friend found and no sale on Ben and Jerry's ice cream. (that would have been something at least)
The only thing of mild interest was the interchange I had with the store manager. I had once given him a hearty “God bless you.” Ever since it's like he really looks at me, looks me in the eyes and when he asks me how I am doing seems genuinely interested. It's as if suddenly the Tin man had grown a heart and instead of the robotic gestures and hollow greetings previously, his heart is finally in them. I have noticed sometimes he wears a small gold cross on his lapel so he must have a relationship with Jesus.
I don't really know anything about this man, his life or anything beyond the fact that he seems to work to much. He is always at the store, no matter what odd hours I appear. I don't even know his name, but I do feel real meaning in the small words we do share.
As I am sitting here trying to figure out why I am crying writing this, I think it is because the grocery store has been a bad place for me for a long time. When I was overcome with depression I would end up there wandering the aisles filling my cart, trying to fill the hole in my heart.
My relationship with food isn't fully mended, even though I am putting my eating disorder behind me now. There will always be an undercurrent of love and hate. I am working on it, waiting for my food passions to abate. Ever always the work in progress. More of my food periods are healthy these days. Picasso had his blue period, I have my food periods. They are blocks of time where I become obsessed with one particular food item and eat it almost every day for weeks. Most recently there was the edammae era, sweet potato fries epoch, pop tart time, and the latest is the age of hummus.
It was actually on a journey for more chick peas for another batch of hummus when I heard the music that stirred my soul. Maybe the expectancy should be that with each trek to the store, more and more healing will happen. Each time a random person reaches out and shows real caring and makes me feel good at the grocery a little more ground is claimed. And soon, always hoping for sooner, my fetters with food will be loosened and lost.
Job 11:13-18 "Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.”
~“Hope, child, tomorrow and tomorrow still, And every tomorrow hope; trust while you live. Hope, each time the dawn doth heaven fill, Be there to ask as God is there to give.” --Victor Hugo ~
Lord let hope spring up every morning with the dawn and faith fill me completely. Please guide my hands, heart and mind to focus on food for my soul instead of empty earthly pursuits. Let me trust in You and rest in You, Your words and promises. Destroy all the destructive chains that bind us and set us free to live wholly healed in You, dear Lord.
God bless you,
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me 11/5/08
P.S. Right before I sent this I decided to make sure I was spelling the title correctly and here is what I found:
Expectant----Definition:anticipating
Synonyms: alert, anticipative, anxious, apprehensive, awaiting, breathless, eager, expecting, hopeful, hoping, in suspense, looking for, on edge*, on tenterhooks, prepared, raring*, ready, vigilant, waiting, waiting on, watchful, with bated breath
That is totally what I want to be for more of what God wants to show me, give me, grant me, bless me with, whenever, wherever and with whoever!
I was walking through the grocery store the other day and they must have had the soundtrack to a good movie playing through the sound system. The music corresponded to some really touching part of the movie, it was uplifting and expectant. Maybe the actors were leaning in for the first kiss, running to freedom or finally found their lost child. Whatever scene it went with the music was preparing you for something wonderful to happen. Something beautiful you were wanting, waiting or hoping for was finally happening or about to.
I thought to myself, so this is the soundtrack to my life right now, so what is about to happen? I kinda peeped around wondering if a knight in shinning armor was about to barrel down the cracker aisle at me. My heart started beating a little faster, who knows what might happen, who I might run into or see. I didn't know, but I was expectant.
Guess what? Nothing exciting happened. There was no smooching in the aisles, no long lost friend found and no sale on Ben and Jerry's ice cream. (that would have been something at least)
The only thing of mild interest was the interchange I had with the store manager. I had once given him a hearty “God bless you.” Ever since it's like he really looks at me, looks me in the eyes and when he asks me how I am doing seems genuinely interested. It's as if suddenly the Tin man had grown a heart and instead of the robotic gestures and hollow greetings previously, his heart is finally in them. I have noticed sometimes he wears a small gold cross on his lapel so he must have a relationship with Jesus.
I don't really know anything about this man, his life or anything beyond the fact that he seems to work to much. He is always at the store, no matter what odd hours I appear. I don't even know his name, but I do feel real meaning in the small words we do share.
As I am sitting here trying to figure out why I am crying writing this, I think it is because the grocery store has been a bad place for me for a long time. When I was overcome with depression I would end up there wandering the aisles filling my cart, trying to fill the hole in my heart.
My relationship with food isn't fully mended, even though I am putting my eating disorder behind me now. There will always be an undercurrent of love and hate. I am working on it, waiting for my food passions to abate. Ever always the work in progress. More of my food periods are healthy these days. Picasso had his blue period, I have my food periods. They are blocks of time where I become obsessed with one particular food item and eat it almost every day for weeks. Most recently there was the edammae era, sweet potato fries epoch, pop tart time, and the latest is the age of hummus.
It was actually on a journey for more chick peas for another batch of hummus when I heard the music that stirred my soul. Maybe the expectancy should be that with each trek to the store, more and more healing will happen. Each time a random person reaches out and shows real caring and makes me feel good at the grocery a little more ground is claimed. And soon, always hoping for sooner, my fetters with food will be loosened and lost.
Job 11:13-18 "Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.”
~“Hope, child, tomorrow and tomorrow still, And every tomorrow hope; trust while you live. Hope, each time the dawn doth heaven fill, Be there to ask as God is there to give.” --Victor Hugo ~
Lord let hope spring up every morning with the dawn and faith fill me completely. Please guide my hands, heart and mind to focus on food for my soul instead of empty earthly pursuits. Let me trust in You and rest in You, Your words and promises. Destroy all the destructive chains that bind us and set us free to live wholly healed in You, dear Lord.
God bless you,
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me 11/5/08
P.S. Right before I sent this I decided to make sure I was spelling the title correctly and here is what I found:
Expectant----Definition:anticipating
Synonyms: alert, anticipative, anxious, apprehensive, awaiting, breathless, eager, expecting, hopeful, hoping, in suspense, looking for, on edge*, on tenterhooks, prepared, raring*, ready, vigilant, waiting, waiting on, watchful, with bated breath
That is totally what I want to be for more of what God wants to show me, give me, grant me, bless me with, whenever, wherever and with whoever!
Mine
"Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live." --Robert Southey
Have you ever noticed that one of the first couple of words kids seem to learn and subsequently overuse is mine. They will pull out every toy in their toy box and look you in the eye and say "mine." As if you were plotting on pulling a fast one on them and swiping their stuff. I once had a little girl keep insisting that the bracelet I was wearing was actually hers. She kept pointing at it and saying, "mine." I kept pointing right back to it and saying mine then pointing to me. One of her parents interjected that she wanted my bracelet and I should give it to her.
I knew her meaning, but I just wanted to be clear where the ownership lay before I lent it to her. It's not like I can walk into Macy's look at sweater say mine, take it and walk out. Ownership doesn't occur just because you want something and say it's yours. So what really makes something yours?
I watched a movie the other day in which a dad finds out when his daughter is 8 yrs old that he has been sterile his whole life and there is no way she is biologically his daughter. He is completely devastated and the wife tries to convince him that no matter what he is her dad because of all the time and love they have shared throughout the 8 years of her life.
I am not a parent and therefore do not have a full grasp of the experience. I am an aunt though and understand what it is like to love a child; and I do so dearly love each of my nephews and nieces. Biology doesn't matter to me in the least. Because one of my nieces is adopted it has no bearing on my love for her. I love her with my whole heart.
God's timing is so cool, I actually wrote the above section last week My little nieces who live two hours away just left today. I realized that some of my favorite qualities in my niece Mia might be a result of her first 11 months spent in the orphanage in China. She loves to give and receive affection and be close which might be because she lacked it when she was just one of many babies needing attention. Since she could walk she would suddenly put it in reverse and back up until she plopped down into my lap. Often she desperately reaches for me to pick her up and pleads insistently until I do. I love that, love it. Why does it touch me so deep to see in her eyes how much she wants me to hold her, pick her up and squeeze her tight; maybe because I want to do the same.
"So long as we love, we serve. So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend." --Robert Louis Stevenson
So remember in the Bible the story about how King Solomon decides which woman is really the mother of the baby boy.
1 King 3:23-27
"The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."
The mothers complete love for her child is shown in how she is willing to even sacrifice her ownership of her child for its wellbeing. Thus her love proves that she really is the mother, that the baby boy is really hers and not another's.
Mia is mine, in a way, she is mine because I love her so much. She is -my- niece. She will always be mine in my heart. She is my special little niece because I am special to her, she especially loves me and who couldn't respond in kind. I would do anything for her or for anyone I love for that matter.
"And I know I don't have much to give but I promise you, I'd give you all there is." --Mercy Me
Now how does one so little let me know I am special to her? When her parents told her that they were all going to Nana and Poppie's house the next day her response was, "Mei mei?" (thats my nickname with the kids) Thanks Mia for remembering who else will be there too! The day of the visit when they got her out of her crib in the morning they said, "We're going to Nana and Poppie's today!" and she reminded them again with, "Mei mei!." She is so smart and has such good taste. She actually even asked her mom to call me in her limited (a lot of telepathy) vocabulary. You would have thought I had won the lottery I felt so thrilled about that call.
For me everyone I have ever loved in my lifetime owns a piece of my heart. They always have a little square of residence there no matter what. Be they my childhood chums, high school homies or new co-workers, I can't help caring and wanting the best for them in their lives. And the absolute best is.... getting to know and love God.
"God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:16
I want to be like little Mia with my Heavenly Father and reach up my hands and beg Him to sweep me up, hold me in His arms, pick me up off the floor and hold me tight. I want the same for everyone who has ever been mine in my heart. I want them to know the love of their Heavenly Father because it is beyond compare. Trust me, I know, I have a lot to compare it to.
"Reach up as far as you can, and God will reach down all the way." --John H. Vincent
Lord lead us to reach up to You, for all things. Help us to give our hearts away in love for all kinds of people. Lord please expand my heart and lead me to love as You do.
God bless you!
Love Always,
As
Heaven Helped me 11/11/08
Have you ever noticed that one of the first couple of words kids seem to learn and subsequently overuse is mine. They will pull out every toy in their toy box and look you in the eye and say "mine." As if you were plotting on pulling a fast one on them and swiping their stuff. I once had a little girl keep insisting that the bracelet I was wearing was actually hers. She kept pointing at it and saying, "mine." I kept pointing right back to it and saying mine then pointing to me. One of her parents interjected that she wanted my bracelet and I should give it to her.
I knew her meaning, but I just wanted to be clear where the ownership lay before I lent it to her. It's not like I can walk into Macy's look at sweater say mine, take it and walk out. Ownership doesn't occur just because you want something and say it's yours. So what really makes something yours?
I watched a movie the other day in which a dad finds out when his daughter is 8 yrs old that he has been sterile his whole life and there is no way she is biologically his daughter. He is completely devastated and the wife tries to convince him that no matter what he is her dad because of all the time and love they have shared throughout the 8 years of her life.
I am not a parent and therefore do not have a full grasp of the experience. I am an aunt though and understand what it is like to love a child; and I do so dearly love each of my nephews and nieces. Biology doesn't matter to me in the least. Because one of my nieces is adopted it has no bearing on my love for her. I love her with my whole heart.
God's timing is so cool, I actually wrote the above section last week My little nieces who live two hours away just left today. I realized that some of my favorite qualities in my niece Mia might be a result of her first 11 months spent in the orphanage in China. She loves to give and receive affection and be close which might be because she lacked it when she was just one of many babies needing attention. Since she could walk she would suddenly put it in reverse and back up until she plopped down into my lap. Often she desperately reaches for me to pick her up and pleads insistently until I do. I love that, love it. Why does it touch me so deep to see in her eyes how much she wants me to hold her, pick her up and squeeze her tight; maybe because I want to do the same.
"So long as we love, we serve. So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend." --Robert Louis Stevenson
So remember in the Bible the story about how King Solomon decides which woman is really the mother of the baby boy.
1 King 3:23-27
"The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."
The mothers complete love for her child is shown in how she is willing to even sacrifice her ownership of her child for its wellbeing. Thus her love proves that she really is the mother, that the baby boy is really hers and not another's.
Mia is mine, in a way, she is mine because I love her so much. She is -my- niece. She will always be mine in my heart. She is my special little niece because I am special to her, she especially loves me and who couldn't respond in kind. I would do anything for her or for anyone I love for that matter.
"And I know I don't have much to give but I promise you, I'd give you all there is." --Mercy Me
Now how does one so little let me know I am special to her? When her parents told her that they were all going to Nana and Poppie's house the next day her response was, "Mei mei?" (thats my nickname with the kids) Thanks Mia for remembering who else will be there too! The day of the visit when they got her out of her crib in the morning they said, "We're going to Nana and Poppie's today!" and she reminded them again with, "Mei mei!." She is so smart and has such good taste. She actually even asked her mom to call me in her limited (a lot of telepathy) vocabulary. You would have thought I had won the lottery I felt so thrilled about that call.
For me everyone I have ever loved in my lifetime owns a piece of my heart. They always have a little square of residence there no matter what. Be they my childhood chums, high school homies or new co-workers, I can't help caring and wanting the best for them in their lives. And the absolute best is.... getting to know and love God.
"God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:16
I want to be like little Mia with my Heavenly Father and reach up my hands and beg Him to sweep me up, hold me in His arms, pick me up off the floor and hold me tight. I want the same for everyone who has ever been mine in my heart. I want them to know the love of their Heavenly Father because it is beyond compare. Trust me, I know, I have a lot to compare it to.
"Reach up as far as you can, and God will reach down all the way." --John H. Vincent
Lord lead us to reach up to You, for all things. Help us to give our hearts away in love for all kinds of people. Lord please expand my heart and lead me to love as You do.
God bless you!
Love Always,
As
Heaven Helped me 11/11/08
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Samson unleashed
~"Sublime hope cheers ever the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the universal powers, souls are now acting, enduring and daring, which can love us, and which we can love." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
I once overheard my sister say, "Amaris may own a cat but she is secretly a dog person inside." I consider myself a lover of all living things. Well, pretty much a lover of all things inanimate and animate alike. I am a tree hugger, a teddy bear hugger, a random person I just met in line at the grocery store-hugger. While I may have always owned cats, I love dogs but have never owned one due to the high maintenance nature of their care and my taste for spontaneous travel. I so thoroughly enjoy the perks of being an aunt in which I get to have fun, fun, fun with my nieces and nephews and then when the tantrums start its time to go, go, go.
Similar also is my enjoyment of other peoples dogs which I can join for a walk or play with them when I want to but I don't have to pick up their messes and it's not my shoes they are trashing. Over the years many dogs have had special places in my heart like Lucy, Mack, P, Bandit, Precious, and Samson to name a few.
Back in the day of yester-year when I used to be married and lived about a mile or two away from my parents-in-law, they had a black Bouvier named Samson. I copied this description of the sheep dog breed Bouvier from wickipedia:
~Bouvier des Flandres are rational, gentle, loyal, and protective in nature. Unlike many animals bred for basic aggressive nature and power, the Bouvier des Flandres possess sophisticated traits, such as complex control, intelligence, and accountability.
Samson really did posses such an interesting display of intelligence which he showed in his desire to always make me laugh. The first time I distinctly noticed this trait was when he hadn't been shaved in ages and his long, curly sheep dog looking coat was hanging down low over his eyes and everywhere else. It was a charming look for him but as you will read later not a clean one for many reasons, hence he was usually shaved. When I arrived at his house he was thrilled to see me as always and so he lept high in the air and when he did so all his hair flew back off of him as if in a wind tunnel, or some cheesy music video. It seemed like he was the only one in slow motion and it looked so funny that I started laughing out loud.
He instantly did it again and I laughed again and he did it again and the more he did it the more I laughed and the more he kept doing it. Somewhere in it all I knew he was doing it because he heard in my laughter that it was making me happy. And I loved him all the more for wanting to make me happy.
Just as Samson understood my laughter meant happiness I saw that he was happiest riding in the back of a truck. So often when I had the company truck and was doing some random errand I would stop by and pick him up and give him a ride around just to see the joy in his eyes and hear his happy howl. When I was feeling extra charitable I would pick him up and take him running with me on the trail by the river but it usually ended in frustration so it was rare. He wasn't a leash kind of dog since his life was lived in liberty he didn't understand the rules of being roped to me and we both ended up regretting our attempts at going for a fettered foray. Samson had a heart so like my own with an insatiable lust to roam free and run and run and run.
"Land of Hope and Glory, Mother of the Free, How shall we extol thee, who are born of thee? Wider still and wider shall thy bounds be set; God, who made thee mighty, make thee mightier yet." -Arthur Christopher Benson
Some of Samson's favorite things in the world to do were to swim in the ponds, go search for something especially stinky to roll in and then wander far and wide, until days later tired of his mischief he would slink home covered in filth, stinking unbearably. There was a period of time much to the torture of everyone's olfactory senses in which Samson repeatedly would run off to wallow in the remains of a decaying dead cow. Now imagine, if you would for a brief moment how pungent a small mouse or other little dead creature is when rotting.......
now multiply that to the size of a large festering cow carcass. Samson couldn't be kept away from it. He would sneak off whenever one was unawares and return again and again to the stink of all stinks to roll and roll, until he too stunk beyond measure. It was only after the authorities had been called repeatedly by my parents-in-law and others that lived closer down wind of the departed cow that it was finally properly disposed of discretely.
Curly haired Samson and I had more than curls in common we both had the same wonderlust that beckons beyond our fences. Our similar hearts both yearned for the same freedom, loved the wind in our face, and wanted to live our lives unleashed.
Sadly like him I went out and found my own kinds of decay to wallow in and left it stinking in ways often only I could smell. Unfortunately though other times when I came home dragging the stench couldn't be denied and thankfully everyone: family, friends, and church all helped clean me up with love and forgiveness.
~"If there was a God, He'd guide the winds, let them blow for me so that, with a tug of my string, I'd cut loose my pain, my longing. I'd endured too much, come too far. And suddenly, just like that, hope became knowledge. I was going to win. It was just a matter of when." (The Kite Runner pg 65)
Samson departed this world while doing his favorite thing, running wild and free. I imagine him going out like in the scene from the movie "Braveheart" shouting, "FOR FREEDOM" with a mud smeared curly leap way up high, just for me.
My own wonderlust has ceased as well because I have found that all of my wandering was really just me looking in all of the wrong places for the wonders and joy I find in the Lord.
As one of my favorite Christian songs says,"All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough, You're enough, You're enough, You're enough for me!"
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Lord let us no longer wander but instead lead us to a place where we find completeness and fulfillment in You. Reveal to us how You are enough for us and all that we will ever need. Let us love our need for You and help others to a place where they can find that you are all that they will ever want, desire, or need as well.
Heaven Helped me 8/21/08
Love Always, A*
P.S.
Sorry I have been a little slow on my output lately I accidentally crashed and burned my laptop and it's been beyond busy at work so no computer access=no emails. The mental queue is piling up, just waiting to hit the keyboards so have no fear.
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