False Failure

“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. Neglect nothing; the most trivial action may be performed to God.” --Angelique Arnauld

I inherited from my mother the inability to gracefully prepare and pull off a party in which I have to cook and serve food. Thankfully we have lots of friends who excel in that skill and I always try and enlist them to help out when it comes time to throw a soirée. One such friend suggested we throw a baby shower for my expecting sister. (this is an old story so don't panic people, no currently preggo sisters)

The whole “let US” throw a party sounded good to me since it would be a team effort and I wouldn't have to be the sole provider of all the necessary party planning, cooking and entertaining. In my typical style I delegated out the majority of tasks to others. Most often my favorite role in things is “supervising” rather than the doing. Hey, if there are many talented and willing gourmet chefs who would love to contribute why take that pleasure away from them.

I decided to commit an absolute cardinal sin of cooking for a party and make something for the first time that was also my own concoction—as in no recipe. It is not a good idea to risk making a never before made dish to serve to 30+ people. But I have no time and no guinea pigs to test on, and I am a risk taker extraordinaire. I thought it would be tasty since it was a fruit trifle in a trifle bowl and I always think those are so colorful and pretty. If anything it would at least be eye pleasing if it wasn't taste bud pleasing.

As I was driving to the party destination I was praying that we would have peace and tranquility while adding the final touches to the party before the guests arrived. And that as we finished fixing the last minute parts of the meal we would have a great time of fellowship and the party would be a success. In the days and weeks before the party I had been asking God repeatedly for it to be a time of blessing to everyone there and kept asking Him to use me to help bless others in all the conversations I would have.

I was so pleased with myself that I was actually not running late and would have plenty of time to assemble my trifle before the party started. Pride cometh before a fall. I was mentally running through all the items in my car and suddenly realized just as I was arriving that I had forgotten one of the major ingredients for my dessert. Great.

I walked into the house and southing music was playing and my team mate was singing along softly and lit up and smilingly said “Wow, you are on time.” I instantly lost it and spit out “No, I am not, as usual I have to screw things up somehow, because I am a flake and have forgotten the main ingredient. I am going to have to turn around and drive home and back which is going to make me late, as usual.” My sister walked in about this time. And I continued on saying, “I was just praying that we would have peace and tranquility rather than the typical screaming and tearing out of hair that takes place in my family prior to parties. And now look at me screaming and totally NOT calm.”

My sister smiled and said, “Well, it was pretty peaceful until you showed up.” I then stomped out the door and when I returned with forgotten item in hand, many people had already showed up. Ugh, prompt people, I just don't understand them.

So instead of ushering in the guests with grace and thanks for coming, I was hurriedly with tear stained cheeks trying to assemble my trifle. The rest of the party I just felt a little harried and hurried, jumping from one thing to the next and never really got to talk to anyone. The trifle turned out delicious and was beautiful for a whole three minutes before we dug into it and devoured it.

After the party had ended and all but five of us remained I started crying and said, “I feel like a failure, because everything I had prayed about didn't happen, I wasn't calm and I didn't talk to anybody and certainly didn't pass along any blessing. The only person I talked to at all was Mystique*, I talked to her a couple of times, but she was the ONLY one. I totally failed.”

One of the ladies said, “Oh, wait was Mystique the 13 yr old who is Sandy's* first foster child. I hear they are both having a really hard time adjusting to each other and the whole foster parent process. When I tried to talk to her she completely ignored me and didn't even respond to me.” Another lady said the same thing, “Yeah when I said hello to her and tried to talk to her she just looked at me and then looked away. She didn't even say hi, back.” All four of the ladies admitted that she wouldn't even respond or look at them and they were completely shocked that she could even talk at all.

I said, “Really, I talked to her a bunch she followed me around for a while as I was cleaning things up, she kept coming up to me and talking. We talked about all kinds of things. She was really sweet and likes to read a lot too, so we talked about books.”

We all sat there looking at each other in astonishment. Then one of them said, “Your prayer was answered, God had one person in mind for you to talk to and connect with and you did. You weren't a failure at all. You succeeded where everyone else had failed.”

Therefore my new favorite reminder to myself rang true, “My sense of failure was false.”
I realized that it was indeed special and I should take it seriously that God wanted me for some reason to meet and talk with this girl. So when I got home I searched throughout my library for books I thought were age appropriate that she might like. I painstaking composed a card (I like writing but cards are torture) put the books and card together and included a cool silver angel holding a starburst that said “hope”. The next day was Sunday and I chased her down at church and shyly said, “Here I thought you might like these.” I had also printed out some of my little writing emails to give to someone else and impulsively decided to give them to her instead.

Later that week I talked to her foster mom and she told me that she had attached the angel to her most precious possession, her cell phone and that she had really enjoyed reading my emails. I then added her email address to this list. I decided that I would try and find her the following Sunday and see if she wanted to do something together. I was praying as I was running (late) into church that I would be able to find her and another person so that I could make plans with both of them. I opened the door took two steps and heard my name. There was Mystique and she said, “Wow, I was just thinking about you and hoping to see you.” I looked at her and smiled right back and sincerely said, “I was just praying the same thing.” And then we both said "Coooool.” I walked in and grabbed the first seat I saw and not two minutes went by and the other person I wanted to talk to walked in and came over and hugged me. I said to God... “Coooool, thanks for making things easy for me.”

Mystique and I decided to grab breakfast together at Ihop the next morning with her foster mom. We had a great time together and talked about so many things. We both just shared about our lives, a lot of it about the tougher things we have gone through. Her foster mother sat across from us and was pretty quiet the entire time. I wondered a couple of times if I shouldn't have been talking so much “Christian”stuff and all of my “Christian” advice of how to handle the hard times, might somehow be inappropriate. But she seemed interested and receptive to everything I said so I just went for it.

Her foster mom called me the next day and said she learned more about her and her life in the hour and half we spent at breakfast than she had in the previous 90 days they had been together. She said she was so happy to hear me say so many of the things I said, and that so much of my advice was about issues she would have loved to have brought up and discussed with her but never had.

About two or three days later Mystique was allowed to return to her family. This story happened about 6 or 7 months ago and I continue to pray for her and for her life. Out of the blue, she called me last night and left a message which prompted me to write this email. She said that she is currently living with her grandparents in another state. I wonder what might have happened to lead to that. I don't pretend to know or understand what she has gone through in her young life of only 13 years. I only know that God had us meet and connect for a reason. Therefore I will do what I can, which is pray and ask you to do the same.

Sorry this one is long but I feel like all the components were necessary. Who knows if I would have felt the gravity of meeting her, if I hadn't been boo whoooing about being a failure...I try and remind myself that sometimes even my accidents can result in good. I am pretty accident prone so...

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

It is also great to remember that there is a much more efficient and calm Supervisor over us all. And we can rest assured that He isn't forgetting any essential ingredients in our lives.

Lord, please help us to try to do all of our ordinary things extraordinarily well for You. Use us in good times and bad to help others look to you for all their needs and remind us to do the same. Help us to find peace and tranquility amidst turmoil and remember that you are always watching over us with love and affection.

**Everybody's names were changed to protect their identity. If you want to pray for them I am sure God will know who you are talking about no matter what you call them.

Heaven helped me 1/10/09
God bless you,
A*