What is reality really? Everyone shapes and perceives reality within their own framework, understanding, and unique viewpoint. But real, true reality is not so manipulated, it is the Ultimate- it is WHAT IS. It is undeniable, undisputed and the only truth. But how often do we really see it, understand it or see the truth in it?
Do you hear a dog whistle, can you see a sound wave or infrared light. What if you could see a bad smell...who and what might we avoid. (I would never enter the employee bathroom if that were the case.) Are you feeling the earth spinning? Do you have the sudden urge to fly south for the winter? Do you feel a magnetic attraction to certain earth elements?
The thing is we are incapable of seeing or perceiving so many things that are happening around us right now. This instant can you see the oxygen you are breathing that is so essential to all life on this planet...can you feel your own basic, chemical elements? I am really feeling my carbon today, and I think my phosphorus is a little low, I don't even want to know about my sulfur content right now.
If you stared and stared could you ever see the scope of the celestial samba streaking all across space. Are you hearing all the meteors burning by or can you only wish upon their brief light. It is all happening right now around you. The moon is pulling ocean waves close and thrusting them away. Do you feel that pull? Just because you are not seeing it or feeling it does not mean it isn't true. Just because you can not understand it does not mean it isn't a fact, an indisputable truth.
I love the bigness, the vastness, the incomprehensibleness of our world. I mean look again at that word it is pretty big and hard to understand...I am having a hard time comprehending what all I can't comprehend.
God revealed himself to Moses at the burning bush and said, "I AM WHO I AM". God didn't give his pedigree or an explanation of Himself, He didn't have to because He is God. I don't think Moses doubted Him or His existence for a minute. The Hebrew name for God that comes from Moses encounter is Yahweh (YHWH) from the verb "to be" or "to exist". God shows how He is independent of our revelation and acknowledgment.
Isn't the younger generations perpetual whine to the older, "you will never understand me." Yahweh never whines about this. He knows we will never fully understand Him for it is beyond our capacity.
Moses didn't need a five page essay on who and what God is and does, all God had to say is "I AM WHO I AM". What do we all need to believe? What are you waiting for...do you need that ray of sunshine from heaven to burn a bush... I don't know, maybe you do. I am so thankful that I already know it in every cell of my oxygen, carbon, and sulfur body. I know and believe and don't need to see, hear or feel anything more to know He exists. But in my reality I have already seen, heard and felt so much of His beauty, love and greatness that I know HE IS. He is and always will be unto infinity and I can't even understand infinity.
Somebody else said it all much better so I will just let him say it:
"We have been saying that the Christian does not stand on the ground of condemnation, that he is not under the law, that he has been taken out of the old creation, and freed from the Satanic realm of darkness and oppression. As we turn to the Word of God we find that is categorically declared that the Christian is before the Father in the Risen Christ enjoying the same favor as the Son whose throne he shares, for he has been made to sit together with his Savior in heavenly places. This and no other is the immeasurably exalted position of the Christian.
But this is a faith position. It is received by faith and held by faith. Faith does not make it real. It is real whether the Christian believes it or not. It is real because God who cannot lie declares it to be so. Whether the Christan accepts it or not is in a sense beside the point. His attitude does not affect reality. However, to enter into the enjoyment of this glorious position he must believe what God says about it. Faith, as we read in Hebrews 2:1, is the substance of things hoped for." Reigning with Christ by F.J. Huegel
I hope you see the real reality of God and His son Jesus and what we as Christians are really meant for. I hope you can sense, feel and hear all that our Heavenly Creator wants to reveal to you. Lord, please, I beg you to show yourself to us all in a new, powerful and undeniable way. Help us to see where we as Christians truly stand with you and help us to lead others to this understanding. Enlarge my comprehension, expand my ability to know, love and seek you. Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer.
Heaven helped me 1/28/09
God bless you immeasurably!
~~D. Jones shared some great insights in response to this:
"Wow -- such wonderful thoughts. I loved the book quote you included, especially where he said, "Faith does not make it real. It is real whether the Christian believes it or not. It is real because God who cannot lie declares it to be so." That is so true. That is true whether or not I feel loved, whether or not I feel safe, whether or not I feel like I can accomplish something, whether or not I feel accepted. The reality is that I AM loved, safe, able in Him to do whatever needs to be done, and I AM accepted. And it will always be that way, because He doesn't change.
Something that I began realizing a few years ago is how flipped our thinking often is regarding reality. In His presence, I begin realizing that what seems real most often isn't, and what seems like an unrealistic fantasy actually is real. My feelings, unchecked, gravitate to the things that seem real, but aren't (discouragement, feelings of aloneness, anxiety, etc.). But the true reality is that I always have a reason to hope, I'm never alone, He Himself is my peace, and on and on.
Thanks for letting out all the treasures He's packed inside you. You're a great treasure chest."
D. Jones
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
False Failure
“Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. Neglect nothing; the most trivial action may be performed to God.” --Angelique Arnauld
I inherited from my mother the inability to gracefully prepare and pull off a party in which I have to cook and serve food. Thankfully we have lots of friends who excel in that skill and I always try and enlist them to help out when it comes time to throw a soirée. One such friend suggested we throw a baby shower for my expecting sister. (this is an old story so don't panic people, no currently preggo sisters)
The whole “let US” throw a party sounded good to me since it would be a team effort and I wouldn't have to be the sole provider of all the necessary party planning, cooking and entertaining. In my typical style I delegated out the majority of tasks to others. Most often my favorite role in things is “supervising” rather than the doing. Hey, if there are many talented and willing gourmet chefs who would love to contribute why take that pleasure away from them.
I decided to commit an absolute cardinal sin of cooking for a party and make something for the first time that was also my own concoction—as in no recipe. It is not a good idea to risk making a never before made dish to serve to 30+ people. But I have no time and no guinea pigs to test on, and I am a risk taker extraordinaire. I thought it would be tasty since it was a fruit trifle in a trifle bowl and I always think those are so colorful and pretty. If anything it would at least be eye pleasing if it wasn't taste bud pleasing.
As I was driving to the party destination I was praying that we would have peace and tranquility while adding the final touches to the party before the guests arrived. And that as we finished fixing the last minute parts of the meal we would have a great time of fellowship and the party would be a success. In the days and weeks before the party I had been asking God repeatedly for it to be a time of blessing to everyone there and kept asking Him to use me to help bless others in all the conversations I would have.
I was so pleased with myself that I was actually not running late and would have plenty of time to assemble my trifle before the party started. Pride cometh before a fall. I was mentally running through all the items in my car and suddenly realized just as I was arriving that I had forgotten one of the major ingredients for my dessert. Great.
I walked into the house and southing music was playing and my team mate was singing along softly and lit up and smilingly said “Wow, you are on time.” I instantly lost it and spit out “No, I am not, as usual I have to screw things up somehow, because I am a flake and have forgotten the main ingredient. I am going to have to turn around and drive home and back which is going to make me late, as usual.” My sister walked in about this time. And I continued on saying, “I was just praying that we would have peace and tranquility rather than the typical screaming and tearing out of hair that takes place in my family prior to parties. And now look at me screaming and totally NOT calm.”
My sister smiled and said, “Well, it was pretty peaceful until you showed up.” I then stomped out the door and when I returned with forgotten item in hand, many people had already showed up. Ugh, prompt people, I just don't understand them.
So instead of ushering in the guests with grace and thanks for coming, I was hurriedly with tear stained cheeks trying to assemble my trifle. The rest of the party I just felt a little harried and hurried, jumping from one thing to the next and never really got to talk to anyone. The trifle turned out delicious and was beautiful for a whole three minutes before we dug into it and devoured it.
After the party had ended and all but five of us remained I started crying and said, “I feel like a failure, because everything I had prayed about didn't happen, I wasn't calm and I didn't talk to anybody and certainly didn't pass along any blessing. The only person I talked to at all was Mystique*, I talked to her a couple of times, but she was the ONLY one. I totally failed.”
One of the ladies said, “Oh, wait was Mystique the 13 yr old who is Sandy's* first foster child. I hear they are both having a really hard time adjusting to each other and the whole foster parent process. When I tried to talk to her she completely ignored me and didn't even respond to me.” Another lady said the same thing, “Yeah when I said hello to her and tried to talk to her she just looked at me and then looked away. She didn't even say hi, back.” All four of the ladies admitted that she wouldn't even respond or look at them and they were completely shocked that she could even talk at all.
I said, “Really, I talked to her a bunch she followed me around for a while as I was cleaning things up, she kept coming up to me and talking. We talked about all kinds of things. She was really sweet and likes to read a lot too, so we talked about books.”
We all sat there looking at each other in astonishment. Then one of them said, “Your prayer was answered, God had one person in mind for you to talk to and connect with and you did. You weren't a failure at all. You succeeded where everyone else had failed.”
Therefore my new favorite reminder to myself rang true, “My sense of failure was false.”
I realized that it was indeed special and I should take it seriously that God wanted me for some reason to meet and talk with this girl. So when I got home I searched throughout my library for books I thought were age appropriate that she might like. I painstaking composed a card (I like writing but cards are torture) put the books and card together and included a cool silver angel holding a starburst that said “hope”. The next day was Sunday and I chased her down at church and shyly said, “Here I thought you might like these.” I had also printed out some of my little writing emails to give to someone else and impulsively decided to give them to her instead.
Later that week I talked to her foster mom and she told me that she had attached the angel to her most precious possession, her cell phone and that she had really enjoyed reading my emails. I then added her email address to this list. I decided that I would try and find her the following Sunday and see if she wanted to do something together. I was praying as I was running (late) into church that I would be able to find her and another person so that I could make plans with both of them. I opened the door took two steps and heard my name. There was Mystique and she said, “Wow, I was just thinking about you and hoping to see you.” I looked at her and smiled right back and sincerely said, “I was just praying the same thing.” And then we both said "Coooool.” I walked in and grabbed the first seat I saw and not two minutes went by and the other person I wanted to talk to walked in and came over and hugged me. I said to God... “Coooool, thanks for making things easy for me.”
Mystique and I decided to grab breakfast together at Ihop the next morning with her foster mom. We had a great time together and talked about so many things. We both just shared about our lives, a lot of it about the tougher things we have gone through. Her foster mother sat across from us and was pretty quiet the entire time. I wondered a couple of times if I shouldn't have been talking so much “Christian”stuff and all of my “Christian” advice of how to handle the hard times, might somehow be inappropriate. But she seemed interested and receptive to everything I said so I just went for it.
Her foster mom called me the next day and said she learned more about her and her life in the hour and half we spent at breakfast than she had in the previous 90 days they had been together. She said she was so happy to hear me say so many of the things I said, and that so much of my advice was about issues she would have loved to have brought up and discussed with her but never had.
About two or three days later Mystique was allowed to return to her family. This story happened about 6 or 7 months ago and I continue to pray for her and for her life. Out of the blue, she called me last night and left a message which prompted me to write this email. She said that she is currently living with her grandparents in another state. I wonder what might have happened to lead to that. I don't pretend to know or understand what she has gone through in her young life of only 13 years. I only know that God had us meet and connect for a reason. Therefore I will do what I can, which is pray and ask you to do the same.
Sorry this one is long but I feel like all the components were necessary. Who knows if I would have felt the gravity of meeting her, if I hadn't been boo whoooing about being a failure...I try and remind myself that sometimes even my accidents can result in good. I am pretty accident prone so...
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
It is also great to remember that there is a much more efficient and calm Supervisor over us all. And we can rest assured that He isn't forgetting any essential ingredients in our lives.
Lord, please help us to try to do all of our ordinary things extraordinarily well for You. Use us in good times and bad to help others look to you for all their needs and remind us to do the same. Help us to find peace and tranquility amidst turmoil and remember that you are always watching over us with love and affection.
**Everybody's names were changed to protect their identity. If you want to pray for them I am sure God will know who you are talking about no matter what you call them.
Heaven helped me 1/10/09
God bless you,
A*
I inherited from my mother the inability to gracefully prepare and pull off a party in which I have to cook and serve food. Thankfully we have lots of friends who excel in that skill and I always try and enlist them to help out when it comes time to throw a soirée. One such friend suggested we throw a baby shower for my expecting sister. (this is an old story so don't panic people, no currently preggo sisters)
The whole “let US” throw a party sounded good to me since it would be a team effort and I wouldn't have to be the sole provider of all the necessary party planning, cooking and entertaining. In my typical style I delegated out the majority of tasks to others. Most often my favorite role in things is “supervising” rather than the doing. Hey, if there are many talented and willing gourmet chefs who would love to contribute why take that pleasure away from them.
I decided to commit an absolute cardinal sin of cooking for a party and make something for the first time that was also my own concoction—as in no recipe. It is not a good idea to risk making a never before made dish to serve to 30+ people. But I have no time and no guinea pigs to test on, and I am a risk taker extraordinaire. I thought it would be tasty since it was a fruit trifle in a trifle bowl and I always think those are so colorful and pretty. If anything it would at least be eye pleasing if it wasn't taste bud pleasing.
As I was driving to the party destination I was praying that we would have peace and tranquility while adding the final touches to the party before the guests arrived. And that as we finished fixing the last minute parts of the meal we would have a great time of fellowship and the party would be a success. In the days and weeks before the party I had been asking God repeatedly for it to be a time of blessing to everyone there and kept asking Him to use me to help bless others in all the conversations I would have.
I was so pleased with myself that I was actually not running late and would have plenty of time to assemble my trifle before the party started. Pride cometh before a fall. I was mentally running through all the items in my car and suddenly realized just as I was arriving that I had forgotten one of the major ingredients for my dessert. Great.
I walked into the house and southing music was playing and my team mate was singing along softly and lit up and smilingly said “Wow, you are on time.” I instantly lost it and spit out “No, I am not, as usual I have to screw things up somehow, because I am a flake and have forgotten the main ingredient. I am going to have to turn around and drive home and back which is going to make me late, as usual.” My sister walked in about this time. And I continued on saying, “I was just praying that we would have peace and tranquility rather than the typical screaming and tearing out of hair that takes place in my family prior to parties. And now look at me screaming and totally NOT calm.”
My sister smiled and said, “Well, it was pretty peaceful until you showed up.” I then stomped out the door and when I returned with forgotten item in hand, many people had already showed up. Ugh, prompt people, I just don't understand them.
So instead of ushering in the guests with grace and thanks for coming, I was hurriedly with tear stained cheeks trying to assemble my trifle. The rest of the party I just felt a little harried and hurried, jumping from one thing to the next and never really got to talk to anyone. The trifle turned out delicious and was beautiful for a whole three minutes before we dug into it and devoured it.
After the party had ended and all but five of us remained I started crying and said, “I feel like a failure, because everything I had prayed about didn't happen, I wasn't calm and I didn't talk to anybody and certainly didn't pass along any blessing. The only person I talked to at all was Mystique*, I talked to her a couple of times, but she was the ONLY one. I totally failed.”
One of the ladies said, “Oh, wait was Mystique the 13 yr old who is Sandy's* first foster child. I hear they are both having a really hard time adjusting to each other and the whole foster parent process. When I tried to talk to her she completely ignored me and didn't even respond to me.” Another lady said the same thing, “Yeah when I said hello to her and tried to talk to her she just looked at me and then looked away. She didn't even say hi, back.” All four of the ladies admitted that she wouldn't even respond or look at them and they were completely shocked that she could even talk at all.
I said, “Really, I talked to her a bunch she followed me around for a while as I was cleaning things up, she kept coming up to me and talking. We talked about all kinds of things. She was really sweet and likes to read a lot too, so we talked about books.”
We all sat there looking at each other in astonishment. Then one of them said, “Your prayer was answered, God had one person in mind for you to talk to and connect with and you did. You weren't a failure at all. You succeeded where everyone else had failed.”
Therefore my new favorite reminder to myself rang true, “My sense of failure was false.”
I realized that it was indeed special and I should take it seriously that God wanted me for some reason to meet and talk with this girl. So when I got home I searched throughout my library for books I thought were age appropriate that she might like. I painstaking composed a card (I like writing but cards are torture) put the books and card together and included a cool silver angel holding a starburst that said “hope”. The next day was Sunday and I chased her down at church and shyly said, “Here I thought you might like these.” I had also printed out some of my little writing emails to give to someone else and impulsively decided to give them to her instead.
Later that week I talked to her foster mom and she told me that she had attached the angel to her most precious possession, her cell phone and that she had really enjoyed reading my emails. I then added her email address to this list. I decided that I would try and find her the following Sunday and see if she wanted to do something together. I was praying as I was running (late) into church that I would be able to find her and another person so that I could make plans with both of them. I opened the door took two steps and heard my name. There was Mystique and she said, “Wow, I was just thinking about you and hoping to see you.” I looked at her and smiled right back and sincerely said, “I was just praying the same thing.” And then we both said "Coooool.” I walked in and grabbed the first seat I saw and not two minutes went by and the other person I wanted to talk to walked in and came over and hugged me. I said to God... “Coooool, thanks for making things easy for me.”
Mystique and I decided to grab breakfast together at Ihop the next morning with her foster mom. We had a great time together and talked about so many things. We both just shared about our lives, a lot of it about the tougher things we have gone through. Her foster mother sat across from us and was pretty quiet the entire time. I wondered a couple of times if I shouldn't have been talking so much “Christian”stuff and all of my “Christian” advice of how to handle the hard times, might somehow be inappropriate. But she seemed interested and receptive to everything I said so I just went for it.
Her foster mom called me the next day and said she learned more about her and her life in the hour and half we spent at breakfast than she had in the previous 90 days they had been together. She said she was so happy to hear me say so many of the things I said, and that so much of my advice was about issues she would have loved to have brought up and discussed with her but never had.
About two or three days later Mystique was allowed to return to her family. This story happened about 6 or 7 months ago and I continue to pray for her and for her life. Out of the blue, she called me last night and left a message which prompted me to write this email. She said that she is currently living with her grandparents in another state. I wonder what might have happened to lead to that. I don't pretend to know or understand what she has gone through in her young life of only 13 years. I only know that God had us meet and connect for a reason. Therefore I will do what I can, which is pray and ask you to do the same.
Sorry this one is long but I feel like all the components were necessary. Who knows if I would have felt the gravity of meeting her, if I hadn't been boo whoooing about being a failure...I try and remind myself that sometimes even my accidents can result in good. I am pretty accident prone so...
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
It is also great to remember that there is a much more efficient and calm Supervisor over us all. And we can rest assured that He isn't forgetting any essential ingredients in our lives.
Lord, please help us to try to do all of our ordinary things extraordinarily well for You. Use us in good times and bad to help others look to you for all their needs and remind us to do the same. Help us to find peace and tranquility amidst turmoil and remember that you are always watching over us with love and affection.
**Everybody's names were changed to protect their identity. If you want to pray for them I am sure God will know who you are talking about no matter what you call them.
Heaven helped me 1/10/09
God bless you,
A*
Christmas Caroling continued
"Charlie Chaplin said, 'A day without laughter is a day wasted.' I try to laugh once a day just in case." --movie Shining Through
So where did I leave off in my last email...Hmmm yeah I don't remember either.
Oh, that's right I was Christmas Caroling with my little group of 3. I had cried because I didn't get the raise I wanted and God showed me just how blessed I was while walking around caroling in public housing. Both little girl 1 and 2 had offered me great advice in my time of tears that "God must have a better job for you" and "Maybe in being lost God was trying to take you somewhere new." Girl # 3 had her chance a little later to offer wise words as well.
I had previously promised the young ladies that in honor of one's birthday I would take them roller skating. They had been begging me while we were trying to spread Christmas cheer to leave and go skating. I told them that we needed to "enjoy the now" and decide after we were done, what to do next. After we finished singing the whole group convened back at Granny's house and we had cocoa and listened to a great story shared by a lady I greatly admire. Her story on the power of prayer was very relateable to our young audience because it was about a prayer she made when she was 7. God had answered it thirty (or so) years later by making it possible to go on a trip to Africa, which is what she had asked for when she was a wee little one.
Everybody was then encouraged to break into groups and pray. I was asked to join a different group than my girls and tried to wrangle some four year olds into praying together, which was interesting in and of itself. Girl 1, 2, and 3, I could hear intermittently giggling in the background. I asked if they had prayed for me since I had been previously told by one of them that I needed it and with wide eyes they simultaneously said, "Ohhhh...." and then went right to it.
Soon after, we all climbed in the car and I looked at them and said, "Okay, let's go rollerskating." They all three started laughing and said, "Our prayers were answered because that is what we had prayed for." We arrived at the roller rink, all ran inside and were told Thursday night is private party night and we couldn't skate. As we were walking back to the car Girl #1 pointed out that they had only prayed to GO to the rink not to actually skate, next time they should pray to skate. Next we drove to the bowling alley and there wasn't even a parking space to be found so we thought it was probably to crowded to even bother going inside. Next we tried the movie theater and all the movies had already started.
After all that driving around and nothing seeming to work out, I turned to them and said, "Well, ladies I guess we are all having to deal with big disappointments today." And this time it was Girl #3 chance to shine as she piped in her happy little way, "But it's not what we do, it's all about spending time together." So true, so true, I am not sure, really, who is teaching who.
Despite much protest, I decided we would just meet up with Girl #3's foster mom who was at the mall and then I would take the other girls home.
So imagine what happened at the mall, not doing anything special....We had a great time. Girl #3's mom gifted us with ice cream cones for each...I even got one due to a miscalculation. And there sitting at the table we had the best time giggling as only little girls can. It is the time spent together that is special not the activity, or amount of money I try not to spend. It is the moments when we all together, enjoy each other's presence. Nothing more, nothing less, just the sheer pleasure of being together.
Since God wastes nothing, my earlier tears and anguish were used for good later. When I took the last girl home I went in and hung out with her family and I heard her say how she was "no good at school, she just can't do it, she is no good." I instantly turned to her and said,"Do you remember how in the car I was being mean to myself and saying how I was a loser, etc. Remember how you stopped me. Please, don't be mean to yourself, please stop this now and forever, don't ever give up and say you can't do something, no matter what it is...Never be cruel instead remind yourself constantly "I can do all things through Christ'.
I gave this verse to my 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school class to memorize and her little brother who is in that class was standing there and he lit up with a great big smile and instantly he said, 'Yes, Philippians 4:13."
It blew me away. I teach a pretty big class of anywhere from 20-30 kids. You never know how much they are actually absorbing and learning. To hear him say that made my heart soar...he goes to public school so it is not like he is learning scripture there. Whatever though, the point is if I can help one kid remember that and tell themselves that instead of the negative jargon I like to replay in my head, I just can't imagine what a positive impact that would have on their self esteem etc.
I am my own worst enemy so much of the time and I need to take my own advice and build myself up with that scripture verse. I need to stop focusing on the things I didn't do or in some cases did and instead see that the reality of many of my "disappointments" is not what I make it out to be. I once read in a prayer book a very timely phrase, "Your sense of failure is false." And so often it is.
Yeah the girls and I didn't do any of the big cool things like, roller skating, going bowling or to a movie, but it really didn't matter. We had more fun just being together and we didn't need to do any of those grand things to have fun.
Lord, please let the desires of my heart not be for any grand worthless things but instead let me simply desire a better relationship with You Lord and with others. Let me seek not empty earthly pleasures but instead let me search for more of your gifts. Help me to know deep down that your scripture is true in that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13
Heaven helped me 1/6/09
God bless you,
A*
So where did I leave off in my last email...Hmmm yeah I don't remember either.
Oh, that's right I was Christmas Caroling with my little group of 3. I had cried because I didn't get the raise I wanted and God showed me just how blessed I was while walking around caroling in public housing. Both little girl 1 and 2 had offered me great advice in my time of tears that "God must have a better job for you" and "Maybe in being lost God was trying to take you somewhere new." Girl # 3 had her chance a little later to offer wise words as well.
I had previously promised the young ladies that in honor of one's birthday I would take them roller skating. They had been begging me while we were trying to spread Christmas cheer to leave and go skating. I told them that we needed to "enjoy the now" and decide after we were done, what to do next. After we finished singing the whole group convened back at Granny's house and we had cocoa and listened to a great story shared by a lady I greatly admire. Her story on the power of prayer was very relateable to our young audience because it was about a prayer she made when she was 7. God had answered it thirty (or so) years later by making it possible to go on a trip to Africa, which is what she had asked for when she was a wee little one.
Everybody was then encouraged to break into groups and pray. I was asked to join a different group than my girls and tried to wrangle some four year olds into praying together, which was interesting in and of itself. Girl 1, 2, and 3, I could hear intermittently giggling in the background. I asked if they had prayed for me since I had been previously told by one of them that I needed it and with wide eyes they simultaneously said, "Ohhhh...." and then went right to it.
Soon after, we all climbed in the car and I looked at them and said, "Okay, let's go rollerskating." They all three started laughing and said, "Our prayers were answered because that is what we had prayed for." We arrived at the roller rink, all ran inside and were told Thursday night is private party night and we couldn't skate. As we were walking back to the car Girl #1 pointed out that they had only prayed to GO to the rink not to actually skate, next time they should pray to skate. Next we drove to the bowling alley and there wasn't even a parking space to be found so we thought it was probably to crowded to even bother going inside. Next we tried the movie theater and all the movies had already started.
After all that driving around and nothing seeming to work out, I turned to them and said, "Well, ladies I guess we are all having to deal with big disappointments today." And this time it was Girl #3 chance to shine as she piped in her happy little way, "But it's not what we do, it's all about spending time together." So true, so true, I am not sure, really, who is teaching who.
Despite much protest, I decided we would just meet up with Girl #3's foster mom who was at the mall and then I would take the other girls home.
So imagine what happened at the mall, not doing anything special....We had a great time. Girl #3's mom gifted us with ice cream cones for each...I even got one due to a miscalculation. And there sitting at the table we had the best time giggling as only little girls can. It is the time spent together that is special not the activity, or amount of money I try not to spend. It is the moments when we all together, enjoy each other's presence. Nothing more, nothing less, just the sheer pleasure of being together.
Since God wastes nothing, my earlier tears and anguish were used for good later. When I took the last girl home I went in and hung out with her family and I heard her say how she was "no good at school, she just can't do it, she is no good." I instantly turned to her and said,"Do you remember how in the car I was being mean to myself and saying how I was a loser, etc. Remember how you stopped me. Please, don't be mean to yourself, please stop this now and forever, don't ever give up and say you can't do something, no matter what it is...Never be cruel instead remind yourself constantly "I can do all things through Christ'.
I gave this verse to my 1st and 2nd grade Sunday school class to memorize and her little brother who is in that class was standing there and he lit up with a great big smile and instantly he said, 'Yes, Philippians 4:13."
It blew me away. I teach a pretty big class of anywhere from 20-30 kids. You never know how much they are actually absorbing and learning. To hear him say that made my heart soar...he goes to public school so it is not like he is learning scripture there. Whatever though, the point is if I can help one kid remember that and tell themselves that instead of the negative jargon I like to replay in my head, I just can't imagine what a positive impact that would have on their self esteem etc.
I am my own worst enemy so much of the time and I need to take my own advice and build myself up with that scripture verse. I need to stop focusing on the things I didn't do or in some cases did and instead see that the reality of many of my "disappointments" is not what I make it out to be. I once read in a prayer book a very timely phrase, "Your sense of failure is false." And so often it is.
Yeah the girls and I didn't do any of the big cool things like, roller skating, going bowling or to a movie, but it really didn't matter. We had more fun just being together and we didn't need to do any of those grand things to have fun.
Lord, please let the desires of my heart not be for any grand worthless things but instead let me simply desire a better relationship with You Lord and with others. Let me seek not empty earthly pleasures but instead let me search for more of your gifts. Help me to know deep down that your scripture is true in that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." -Philippians 4:13
Heaven helped me 1/6/09
God bless you,
A*
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