"Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live." --Robert Southey
Have you ever noticed that one of the first couple of words kids seem to learn and subsequently overuse is mine. They will pull out every toy in their toy box and look you in the eye and say "mine." As if you were plotting on pulling a fast one on them and swiping their stuff. I once had a little girl keep insisting that the bracelet I was wearing was actually hers. She kept pointing at it and saying, "mine." I kept pointing right back to it and saying mine then pointing to me. One of her parents interjected that she wanted my bracelet and I should give it to her.
I knew her meaning, but I just wanted to be clear where the ownership lay before I lent it to her. It's not like I can walk into Macy's look at sweater say mine, take it and walk out. Ownership doesn't occur just because you want something and say it's yours. So what really makes something yours?
I watched a movie the other day in which a dad finds out when his daughter is 8 yrs old that he has been sterile his whole life and there is no way she is biologically his daughter. He is completely devastated and the wife tries to convince him that no matter what he is her dad because of all the time and love they have shared throughout the 8 years of her life.
I am not a parent and therefore do not have a full grasp of the experience. I am an aunt though and understand what it is like to love a child; and I do so dearly love each of my nephews and nieces. Biology doesn't matter to me in the least. Because one of my nieces is adopted it has no bearing on my love for her. I love her with my whole heart.
God's timing is so cool, I actually wrote the above section last week My little nieces who live two hours away just left today. I realized that some of my favorite qualities in my niece Mia might be a result of her first 11 months spent in the orphanage in China. She loves to give and receive affection and be close which might be because she lacked it when she was just one of many babies needing attention. Since she could walk she would suddenly put it in reverse and back up until she plopped down into my lap. Often she desperately reaches for me to pick her up and pleads insistently until I do. I love that, love it. Why does it touch me so deep to see in her eyes how much she wants me to hold her, pick her up and squeeze her tight; maybe because I want to do the same.
"So long as we love, we serve. So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend." --Robert Louis Stevenson
So remember in the Bible the story about how King Solomon decides which woman is really the mother of the baby boy.
1 King 3:23-27
"The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' " Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other." The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!" But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!" Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."
The mothers complete love for her child is shown in how she is willing to even sacrifice her ownership of her child for its wellbeing. Thus her love proves that she really is the mother, that the baby boy is really hers and not another's.
Mia is mine, in a way, she is mine because I love her so much. She is -my- niece. She will always be mine in my heart. She is my special little niece because I am special to her, she especially loves me and who couldn't respond in kind. I would do anything for her or for anyone I love for that matter.
"And I know I don't have much to give but I promise you, I'd give you all there is." --Mercy Me
Now how does one so little let me know I am special to her? When her parents told her that they were all going to Nana and Poppie's house the next day her response was, "Mei mei?" (thats my nickname with the kids) Thanks Mia for remembering who else will be there too! The day of the visit when they got her out of her crib in the morning they said, "We're going to Nana and Poppie's today!" and she reminded them again with, "Mei mei!." She is so smart and has such good taste. She actually even asked her mom to call me in her limited (a lot of telepathy) vocabulary. You would have thought I had won the lottery I felt so thrilled about that call.
For me everyone I have ever loved in my lifetime owns a piece of my heart. They always have a little square of residence there no matter what. Be they my childhood chums, high school homies or new co-workers, I can't help caring and wanting the best for them in their lives. And the absolute best is.... getting to know and love God.
"God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him." 1 John 4:16
I want to be like little Mia with my Heavenly Father and reach up my hands and beg Him to sweep me up, hold me in His arms, pick me up off the floor and hold me tight. I want the same for everyone who has ever been mine in my heart. I want them to know the love of their Heavenly Father because it is beyond compare. Trust me, I know, I have a lot to compare it to.
"Reach up as far as you can, and God will reach down all the way." --John H. Vincent
Lord lead us to reach up to You, for all things. Help us to give our hearts away in love for all kinds of people. Lord please expand my heart and lead me to love as You do.
God bless you!
Love Always,
As
Heaven Helped me 11/11/08
Friday, December 12, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Samson unleashed
~"Sublime hope cheers ever the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the universal powers, souls are now acting, enduring and daring, which can love us, and which we can love." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
I once overheard my sister say, "Amaris may own a cat but she is secretly a dog person inside." I consider myself a lover of all living things. Well, pretty much a lover of all things inanimate and animate alike. I am a tree hugger, a teddy bear hugger, a random person I just met in line at the grocery store-hugger. While I may have always owned cats, I love dogs but have never owned one due to the high maintenance nature of their care and my taste for spontaneous travel. I so thoroughly enjoy the perks of being an aunt in which I get to have fun, fun, fun with my nieces and nephews and then when the tantrums start its time to go, go, go.
Similar also is my enjoyment of other peoples dogs which I can join for a walk or play with them when I want to but I don't have to pick up their messes and it's not my shoes they are trashing. Over the years many dogs have had special places in my heart like Lucy, Mack, P, Bandit, Precious, and Samson to name a few.
Back in the day of yester-year when I used to be married and lived about a mile or two away from my parents-in-law, they had a black Bouvier named Samson. I copied this description of the sheep dog breed Bouvier from wickipedia:
~Bouvier des Flandres are rational, gentle, loyal, and protective in nature. Unlike many animals bred for basic aggressive nature and power, the Bouvier des Flandres possess sophisticated traits, such as complex control, intelligence, and accountability.
Samson really did posses such an interesting display of intelligence which he showed in his desire to always make me laugh. The first time I distinctly noticed this trait was when he hadn't been shaved in ages and his long, curly sheep dog looking coat was hanging down low over his eyes and everywhere else. It was a charming look for him but as you will read later not a clean one for many reasons, hence he was usually shaved. When I arrived at his house he was thrilled to see me as always and so he lept high in the air and when he did so all his hair flew back off of him as if in a wind tunnel, or some cheesy music video. It seemed like he was the only one in slow motion and it looked so funny that I started laughing out loud.
He instantly did it again and I laughed again and he did it again and the more he did it the more I laughed and the more he kept doing it. Somewhere in it all I knew he was doing it because he heard in my laughter that it was making me happy. And I loved him all the more for wanting to make me happy.
Just as Samson understood my laughter meant happiness I saw that he was happiest riding in the back of a truck. So often when I had the company truck and was doing some random errand I would stop by and pick him up and give him a ride around just to see the joy in his eyes and hear his happy howl. When I was feeling extra charitable I would pick him up and take him running with me on the trail by the river but it usually ended in frustration so it was rare. He wasn't a leash kind of dog since his life was lived in liberty he didn't understand the rules of being roped to me and we both ended up regretting our attempts at going for a fettered foray. Samson had a heart so like my own with an insatiable lust to roam free and run and run and run.
"Land of Hope and Glory, Mother of the Free, How shall we extol thee, who are born of thee? Wider still and wider shall thy bounds be set; God, who made thee mighty, make thee mightier yet." -Arthur Christopher Benson
Some of Samson's favorite things in the world to do were to swim in the ponds, go search for something especially stinky to roll in and then wander far and wide, until days later tired of his mischief he would slink home covered in filth, stinking unbearably. There was a period of time much to the torture of everyone's olfactory senses in which Samson repeatedly would run off to wallow in the remains of a decaying dead cow. Now imagine, if you would for a brief moment how pungent a small mouse or other little dead creature is when rotting.......
now multiply that to the size of a large festering cow carcass. Samson couldn't be kept away from it. He would sneak off whenever one was unawares and return again and again to the stink of all stinks to roll and roll, until he too stunk beyond measure. It was only after the authorities had been called repeatedly by my parents-in-law and others that lived closer down wind of the departed cow that it was finally properly disposed of discretely.
Curly haired Samson and I had more than curls in common we both had the same wonderlust that beckons beyond our fences. Our similar hearts both yearned for the same freedom, loved the wind in our face, and wanted to live our lives unleashed.
Sadly like him I went out and found my own kinds of decay to wallow in and left it stinking in ways often only I could smell. Unfortunately though other times when I came home dragging the stench couldn't be denied and thankfully everyone: family, friends, and church all helped clean me up with love and forgiveness.
~"If there was a God, He'd guide the winds, let them blow for me so that, with a tug of my string, I'd cut loose my pain, my longing. I'd endured too much, come too far. And suddenly, just like that, hope became knowledge. I was going to win. It was just a matter of when." (The Kite Runner pg 65)
Samson departed this world while doing his favorite thing, running wild and free. I imagine him going out like in the scene from the movie "Braveheart" shouting, "FOR FREEDOM" with a mud smeared curly leap way up high, just for me.
My own wonderlust has ceased as well because I have found that all of my wandering was really just me looking in all of the wrong places for the wonders and joy I find in the Lord.
As one of my favorite Christian songs says,"All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough, You're enough, You're enough, You're enough for me!"
Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Lord let us no longer wander but instead lead us to a place where we find completeness and fulfillment in You. Reveal to us how You are enough for us and all that we will ever need. Let us love our need for You and help others to a place where they can find that you are all that they will ever want, desire, or need as well.
Heaven Helped me 8/21/08
Love Always, A*
P.S.
Sorry I have been a little slow on my output lately I accidentally crashed and burned my laptop and it's been beyond busy at work so no computer access=no emails. The mental queue is piling up, just waiting to hit the keyboards so have no fear.
Electric Wheelchair
About a block away from our church one Sunday morning, I happened to notice a woman in an electric wheelchair who had dropped her purse and was struggling trying to pick it up off the ground. Just as I was thinking I should pull over and help her, I watched the car in front of me instantly pull up alongside her, just as someone walking to church jogged up and bent down and picked up her purse and handed it to her.
Wow, it blessed me just watching how we church members as a group instantly responded with help to someone in need of assistance. By land and vehicle we swarmed to help one woman in a wheelchair who had dropped her purse. How many of us are walking around every day handicap on the inside and how many of us need help picking up the pieces of our lives. We are not so obvious with what cripples us and hinders us from being able to reach the things we are trying to achieve. Maybe it's abuse in our pasts, divorce, past failures, a sense of unworthiness or lack of acceptance, maybe you were teased or feel overweight, underpaid, under appreciated...
...whatever these things are that may be crippling you and not letting you walk properly with your shoulders high or run with joy in your hearts, God wants to heal you. Whatever it may be I know that God wants to help you find wholeness. It might just be someone walking down the street or driving down the road that can help you pick up your purse. So try and be open to letting them help you help yourself or take a good look in the mirror and try lifting yourself out of your wheelchair today.
Wow, it blessed me just watching how we church members as a group instantly responded with help to someone in need of assistance. By land and vehicle we swarmed to help one woman in a wheelchair who had dropped her purse. How many of us are walking around every day handicap on the inside and how many of us need help picking up the pieces of our lives. We are not so obvious with what cripples us and hinders us from being able to reach the things we are trying to achieve. Maybe it's abuse in our pasts, divorce, past failures, a sense of unworthiness or lack of acceptance, maybe you were teased or feel overweight, underpaid, under appreciated...
...whatever these things are that may be crippling you and not letting you walk properly with your shoulders high or run with joy in your hearts, God wants to heal you. Whatever it may be I know that God wants to help you find wholeness. It might just be someone walking down the street or driving down the road that can help you pick up your purse. So try and be open to letting them help you help yourself or take a good look in the mirror and try lifting yourself out of your wheelchair today.
Granny's tears
“This is my Father's world—His own design, But in His goodness He has made it mine!” -Faye Carr Adams
Every year my whole extended family on my mother's side gathers at our lake cabin in Clarksville, Virginia. Due to the ever expanding nature of our family, with grandchildren popping out like pez, we have expanded for a third time the once little cabin that my late grandfather Papa built with his own hands. According to Granny's fuzzy memory of dates it was around 1957 when my grandfather was stationed in Washington D.C. that he first spotted Kerr lake as it was being carved out by the army corp of engineers. He had the perfect view from the air since he was a fighter pilot and could fly over the area extensively and pick the exact cove that he thought would have ideal fishing conditions. He decided against the ladies votes to not buy property in Myrtle beach and instead purchased vacation location property in the teensy town of Clarksville.
While beach front property in Myrtle Beach would now fetch a mean mint in property value I believe that our lake front land is priceless and there could be no value placed on the times spent and the love that resides in our cabin. We used to go to both the beach and the lake for our family vacation but as my cousins and I started getting older, myself in particular, we found the easy access atmosphere of the beach conducive to all kinds of trouble.
After darkness fell and much worrying, my aunt had to hunt down on the beach my 11 and 13 yr old female cousins as well as my 15yr old self and 14 yr old sister. When she finally found us meandering in the sand getting offers to join every “kegger”, while a Marine and his friend were flirting away with me, beach days ended in her mind then and there. (In the young Marine's defense I did look older than my age.) We never vacationed at the beach again.
Out of the 23 family members who now use our lake house maybe God knew I just couldn't survive Beach vacation living nor could anyones stress levels survive with me there either. I think that Papa made the best decision in choosing the lake over the ocean. The serenity and the ultimate calm that can be experienced staring at the undulating water or standing toes deep in the sand and only hearing the sounds of nature is hard to find elsewhere.
Even as a child I knew there was something beyond special about the peace that can be found deep in the woods in our once little cabin perched up high, overlooking the vast and quiet lake. I fell in love with how I could almost hear each raindrop pelt the metal roof or listen as a acorn plopped and the rolled down off the angled eaves. The real world can't seem to find us there beyond the winding tree tunneled roads because cell phones and the internet just don't want to work. You can leave your cares, stresses and connections behind and truly relax while dozing in the hammock swinging beneath a rooftop of living green.
“Nor hell nor heaven shall that soul surprise,
Who loves the rain,
And loves his home,
And looks on life with quiet eyes.” --Frances W. Shaw
My aunt who has taken the role of picking out all the tile, paint, etc. for the new construction wrote in an email, “All of this is fun, until Granny cries.”
When my grandfather first built our modest cabin it started as four rooms with two bedrooms, one bathroom, kitchen and combined living room. The first and second editions added on only two more bedrooms, another bathroom and a larger family room. But this current edition is not an addition -it is beyond even a renovation, it is a whole new huge 7 bedroom two story house. Granny tears are because all the vestiges of Papa handiwork are gone. The only thing lingering of what the cabin once was is the kitchen, which looks dramatically out of place in this new fresh and open vista of super size square footage.
“The sober comfort, all the peace which springs
From the large aggregate of little things:
On these small cares of daughter, wife or friend,
The almost sacred joys of home depend.” ---Hannah More
I started writing this email before I left to go on our annual family vacation to the Lake with the hopes that I would complete it before I saw the house and would only write about Granny's tears. I did not expect that my own would mingle with hers in losing what is now lost. Gone is the paneling and quaint bedrooms, gone is the green carpeting and moldy tile, why do I mourn their loss? I have 30* years of memories there, 30 different vacations spent in those walls that now line a dusty dumpster because new sunlight yellow walls have taken their place. I might actually get to sleep in a bedroom with a door that can stay shut and not have people wandering through it at all hours fumbling to get to a bathroom or an early breakfast. Good ole' walk-through bedroom, now I will miss you and your bustling activity, which I once found Oh, so annoying.
Memories, memories, so many memories.
There was a tree that is now only a stump which my cousin and I still point fondly at and recall how so, so long ago I had given her the first taste of alcohol late one night, which she lost there later. We still remember the tree and the night in which it imprinted itself on our memories. The tree is gone, like the little cabin but we still remember.
The history of our handmade house is exactly where it has always been—it is in our hearts. It is in our minds. It is in our cherished memories, and in all our stories. The walls may have changed and Papa's fingerprints may no longer be found on the rafters, but his blood still flows in all of our veins. Our hearts still beat with that blood and as long as they do it will always be Papa's pool. We can not forget what is in us and a part of us.
I cannot stop the sands of time
Nor stop the evermore increasing lines,
That pave their way across my face,
That I behold and grimace with distaste.
Changes, changes, grow and grow,
Let me not with tears sow,
Seeds of yearning for the past,
Yet look lovingly to the future beyond my grasp;
Please permit me to embrace,
The Lord's ever merciful, divine grace.
-A*
Lord, let not the growing pains distract us from the abundant blessings to come from our growth. Please help us to see Your goodness in any and every change. Quell our grumblings and in the silence that remains, reveal Your glory and divine destiny in us.
Heaven helped me 8/8/08
Love Always,
A*
*I say 30 years because we didn't go one year due to the water level in the lake being too high.
Every year my whole extended family on my mother's side gathers at our lake cabin in Clarksville, Virginia. Due to the ever expanding nature of our family, with grandchildren popping out like pez, we have expanded for a third time the once little cabin that my late grandfather Papa built with his own hands. According to Granny's fuzzy memory of dates it was around 1957 when my grandfather was stationed in Washington D.C. that he first spotted Kerr lake as it was being carved out by the army corp of engineers. He had the perfect view from the air since he was a fighter pilot and could fly over the area extensively and pick the exact cove that he thought would have ideal fishing conditions. He decided against the ladies votes to not buy property in Myrtle beach and instead purchased vacation location property in the teensy town of Clarksville.
While beach front property in Myrtle Beach would now fetch a mean mint in property value I believe that our lake front land is priceless and there could be no value placed on the times spent and the love that resides in our cabin. We used to go to both the beach and the lake for our family vacation but as my cousins and I started getting older, myself in particular, we found the easy access atmosphere of the beach conducive to all kinds of trouble.
After darkness fell and much worrying, my aunt had to hunt down on the beach my 11 and 13 yr old female cousins as well as my 15yr old self and 14 yr old sister. When she finally found us meandering in the sand getting offers to join every “kegger”, while a Marine and his friend were flirting away with me, beach days ended in her mind then and there. (In the young Marine's defense I did look older than my age.) We never vacationed at the beach again.
Out of the 23 family members who now use our lake house maybe God knew I just couldn't survive Beach vacation living nor could anyones stress levels survive with me there either. I think that Papa made the best decision in choosing the lake over the ocean. The serenity and the ultimate calm that can be experienced staring at the undulating water or standing toes deep in the sand and only hearing the sounds of nature is hard to find elsewhere.
Even as a child I knew there was something beyond special about the peace that can be found deep in the woods in our once little cabin perched up high, overlooking the vast and quiet lake. I fell in love with how I could almost hear each raindrop pelt the metal roof or listen as a acorn plopped and the rolled down off the angled eaves. The real world can't seem to find us there beyond the winding tree tunneled roads because cell phones and the internet just don't want to work. You can leave your cares, stresses and connections behind and truly relax while dozing in the hammock swinging beneath a rooftop of living green.
“Nor hell nor heaven shall that soul surprise,
Who loves the rain,
And loves his home,
And looks on life with quiet eyes.” --Frances W. Shaw
My aunt who has taken the role of picking out all the tile, paint, etc. for the new construction wrote in an email, “All of this is fun, until Granny cries.”
When my grandfather first built our modest cabin it started as four rooms with two bedrooms, one bathroom, kitchen and combined living room. The first and second editions added on only two more bedrooms, another bathroom and a larger family room. But this current edition is not an addition -it is beyond even a renovation, it is a whole new huge 7 bedroom two story house. Granny tears are because all the vestiges of Papa handiwork are gone. The only thing lingering of what the cabin once was is the kitchen, which looks dramatically out of place in this new fresh and open vista of super size square footage.
“The sober comfort, all the peace which springs
From the large aggregate of little things:
On these small cares of daughter, wife or friend,
The almost sacred joys of home depend.” ---Hannah More
I started writing this email before I left to go on our annual family vacation to the Lake with the hopes that I would complete it before I saw the house and would only write about Granny's tears. I did not expect that my own would mingle with hers in losing what is now lost. Gone is the paneling and quaint bedrooms, gone is the green carpeting and moldy tile, why do I mourn their loss? I have 30* years of memories there, 30 different vacations spent in those walls that now line a dusty dumpster because new sunlight yellow walls have taken their place. I might actually get to sleep in a bedroom with a door that can stay shut and not have people wandering through it at all hours fumbling to get to a bathroom or an early breakfast. Good ole' walk-through bedroom, now I will miss you and your bustling activity, which I once found Oh, so annoying.
Memories, memories, so many memories.
There was a tree that is now only a stump which my cousin and I still point fondly at and recall how so, so long ago I had given her the first taste of alcohol late one night, which she lost there later. We still remember the tree and the night in which it imprinted itself on our memories. The tree is gone, like the little cabin but we still remember.
The history of our handmade house is exactly where it has always been—it is in our hearts. It is in our minds. It is in our cherished memories, and in all our stories. The walls may have changed and Papa's fingerprints may no longer be found on the rafters, but his blood still flows in all of our veins. Our hearts still beat with that blood and as long as they do it will always be Papa's pool. We can not forget what is in us and a part of us.
I cannot stop the sands of time
Nor stop the evermore increasing lines,
That pave their way across my face,
That I behold and grimace with distaste.
Changes, changes, grow and grow,
Let me not with tears sow,
Seeds of yearning for the past,
Yet look lovingly to the future beyond my grasp;
Please permit me to embrace,
The Lord's ever merciful, divine grace.
-A*
Lord, let not the growing pains distract us from the abundant blessings to come from our growth. Please help us to see Your goodness in any and every change. Quell our grumblings and in the silence that remains, reveal Your glory and divine destiny in us.
Heaven helped me 8/8/08
Love Always,
A*
*I say 30 years because we didn't go one year due to the water level in the lake being too high.
Passing a test
I liked this interchange between a friend of mine and I thought I would share it.
From: A*
I think all the time in life there are tests. Each choice is a test. Sometimes we pass, sometimes we fail. Sometimes we get A- falling a little short of that perfect score, sometimes C+, sometimes B- and alot of times D- which is barely passing...almost failing but you didn't, thank the Lord. I know that feeling a lot.
I think in a way my friend bringing my favorite kind of wine in the whole wide world over the other night was a little test and I passed. I felt a pang when I saw it and held it in my hand and thought about it the whole fifteen steps into the living room to give it back to her so that she could take it back home. I thought about it all cold and covered in chilly condensation in my hand and just kept marching towards my friend knowing that wine was in my past and that my future only holds sobriety.
I couldn't hold on to that bottle and save it for some distant day in the future when I could drink it in celebration. The reality is the celebration would be that I will never be drinking in the future. Each choice is a test. I think I would give myself a B on this one because I would prefer less reminiscing on my lost love of Mer Solei vino. Lord please help me make more A+ choices and help me to learn from all my D- ones as well.
From: R
All these choices do add up to who we become. It's good to consider the right choices that we make and be encouraged. There is usually no fan fare or recognition for making the right choices. Sometimes when I look back on my life, I remember that some very real suffering resulted from making the right choice and sometimes the choices didn't seem that significant, but in retrospect, there is a very significant cumulative affect, for both right and wrong choices. Truly the path to victory is not strewn with roses, but what a wonderful end we all can have because of Christ's choices. Lord help me to chose well every day in even the small things. Rebecca :)
Heaven helped me 8/8/08
Love Always,
A*
From: A*
I think all the time in life there are tests. Each choice is a test. Sometimes we pass, sometimes we fail. Sometimes we get A- falling a little short of that perfect score, sometimes C+, sometimes B- and alot of times D- which is barely passing...almost failing but you didn't, thank the Lord. I know that feeling a lot.
I think in a way my friend bringing my favorite kind of wine in the whole wide world over the other night was a little test and I passed. I felt a pang when I saw it and held it in my hand and thought about it the whole fifteen steps into the living room to give it back to her so that she could take it back home. I thought about it all cold and covered in chilly condensation in my hand and just kept marching towards my friend knowing that wine was in my past and that my future only holds sobriety.
I couldn't hold on to that bottle and save it for some distant day in the future when I could drink it in celebration. The reality is the celebration would be that I will never be drinking in the future. Each choice is a test. I think I would give myself a B on this one because I would prefer less reminiscing on my lost love of Mer Solei vino. Lord please help me make more A+ choices and help me to learn from all my D- ones as well.
From: R
All these choices do add up to who we become. It's good to consider the right choices that we make and be encouraged. There is usually no fan fare or recognition for making the right choices. Sometimes when I look back on my life, I remember that some very real suffering resulted from making the right choice and sometimes the choices didn't seem that significant, but in retrospect, there is a very significant cumulative affect, for both right and wrong choices. Truly the path to victory is not strewn with roses, but what a wonderful end we all can have because of Christ's choices. Lord help me to chose well every day in even the small things. Rebecca :)
Heaven helped me 8/8/08
Love Always,
A*
Jealousy
My whole life I grew up going to church and I have always considered myself a Christian. I haven't really started living my life wholly and completely for the Lord until maybe the last year. I started slowing working my way towards this complete devotion to God ever since I got a divorce about five years ago. It has been a process, a journey, a roller coaster, and eventually a transformation, thank the Lord.
I have had a hard time struggling with the fact that I feel like I have wasted 30 years of my life doing everything WRONG! I can get bogged down asking myself things like: what was I thinking, how could I be so blind, didn't I see and realize how lost I was? Obviously I didn't at the time...But you can't understand the utter joy of being found until you have been truly lost.
A young married couple in our church is planning on moving to the Middle Eastern country of Lebanon and doing missionary work there for a number of years. I so admire their bravery, complete faith, devotion and assurance in what the Lord wants them to do so radically with their lives that I can't help but be jealous. I would love to say that it is the “godly jealousy” they talk about in the Bible but I don't think that it is exactly.
When I lived in Los Angeles and met a friend of mine for the first time she was a model and came over to the house I was living in to do a modeling shoot with a photographer friend. She was absolutely gorgeous with dark hair and dark eyes and had an air of mystery since she was quiet and shy. My two male roommates were completely enamored with her and were following her around like love sick puppy dogs with pleading give me attention eyes. I had also invited over a young movie director that I had met at the Denver film festival when I had hung out with him non stop for the 3-4 days of the festival since a friend was doing a bio-documentary on him at the time. I formed a crush on him that ended with us fighting on the last day and I decided it was best for us to be friends. (honestly, he said something that made me really mad so he lost his appeal)
So I found myself sitting at a circular table with the glossy haired, dark-eyed model Martina, and my three guy friends were absolutely drooling, tongues lolling out of their mouths, and just begging like puppy dogs for the treat of her attention. As I was looking at each of their eager faces I had the absolute and complete epiphany to not get jealous of this stunningly beautiful girl. Though every instinct in me told me I should be jealous of her since she was so dark and lovely and all the guys were panting for her, I realized what really was there to be jealous of? I did not want the affections of any of the three guys. If I did not desire them and their attention then why should I care that they were giving it all to another?
And more importantly she was so polar opposite of everything that I am, I should only want someone who wants and appreciates me. I don't want to compete with someone, I want someone to want me and me alone. If they aren't interested in me, then I am not interested in them and I shouldn't have to try or vie for their attention. It was such a freeing thought, I have never had much of a problem with jealousy but whenever it creeps into my thinking I think of sitting around that table and realizing that what I wanted wasn't there so why be jealous because someone else was in the spotlight. Everybody deserves a chance to shine, why not let everyone have a turn. It's not always all about me.
Where I have big, frizzy hair, big energy and a big mouth to match, my new friend Martina, was cool, calm and quite. We were so different and instead of wishing I were like her and wanting to be her, I realized that any guy interested in her would not be into me, so it was like we were not even in competition anyway, so why bother wanting to be like her and then have to compete with her. I had cornered the market on loud, obnoxious, blonds so why try and enter in the running with the silent, sleek brunettes.
So this one time in Lakeland after being lost for about an hour and a half I finally arrived at the new outdoor venue for the church meeting stressed out and frustrated. My group of ladies found seats in front of a wide busy aisle full of kids and people walking to and fro which I found to be distracting in my current frazzled state of mind. Since I was having trouble focusing on worshiping there I wanted to walk closer to the stage and join the crowd bunched around the stage and two of the other ladies joined me.
I have been going to rock concerts forever so crowd navigation is a honed skill that I have perfected where you move into the gaps and try not to step on any ones toes figuratively and literally. It wasn't that I wanted to be on the front row but I just wanted to get to the place that felt right so I kept restlessly zig zagging our little group through the crowd. I knew I would know the right spot when I found it and nothing had felt right yet, either the guys were to tall in front of us, or the ladies were wildly dancing or somebody smelled funny so I kept moving on.
Finally all three of us arrived on this little rise with lots of open space and a nice breeze blew and I thought,”Ahhhh this is where we are supposed to be.” The restlessness ceased and I smiled peacefully at the other ladies. After the anguishing hours of driving around lost, this is where I am supposed to be, I am finally right where I want to be. I was just so happy to be there under the cloudless sky with my arms stretched towards the heavens and the music pounding through my chest and I was just praising the Lord.
And then the Holy Spirit repeated to me, “You are where you are supposed to be.”
All my torment over wasted time, wasted years, being lost, it was all as it should be to bring me to where I was and to where I am. I am not the dark and lovely Martina, I am not being called to Lebanon, I am Me and that is exactly who God wants me to be and where I am in my walk with Him right now is where He expects me to be.
I am not some spiritual giant. I don't know the Bible backwards and forwards, yet. I can not change the past but I can work to have a better, brighter future. Lord please help us not to vie for other people's gifts and spiritual abilities but let us instead seek to improve what you have already endowed in us and let us rejoice and encourage others in theirs.
Let us thirst for more of You in every area of our lives and ask for more gifting, more abilities, more capabilities, more desires, more drive, more hunger, more leadership, more responsibly, more accountability, more anointing, more of Your awesome presence in every way, shape, and form of our existence. Lord please, please Lord, more, more, more!!!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18
Heaven Helped Me 7/24/08
Love Always,
A*
I have had a hard time struggling with the fact that I feel like I have wasted 30 years of my life doing everything WRONG! I can get bogged down asking myself things like: what was I thinking, how could I be so blind, didn't I see and realize how lost I was? Obviously I didn't at the time...But you can't understand the utter joy of being found until you have been truly lost.
A young married couple in our church is planning on moving to the Middle Eastern country of Lebanon and doing missionary work there for a number of years. I so admire their bravery, complete faith, devotion and assurance in what the Lord wants them to do so radically with their lives that I can't help but be jealous. I would love to say that it is the “godly jealousy” they talk about in the Bible but I don't think that it is exactly.
When I lived in Los Angeles and met a friend of mine for the first time she was a model and came over to the house I was living in to do a modeling shoot with a photographer friend. She was absolutely gorgeous with dark hair and dark eyes and had an air of mystery since she was quiet and shy. My two male roommates were completely enamored with her and were following her around like love sick puppy dogs with pleading give me attention eyes. I had also invited over a young movie director that I had met at the Denver film festival when I had hung out with him non stop for the 3-4 days of the festival since a friend was doing a bio-documentary on him at the time. I formed a crush on him that ended with us fighting on the last day and I decided it was best for us to be friends. (honestly, he said something that made me really mad so he lost his appeal)
So I found myself sitting at a circular table with the glossy haired, dark-eyed model Martina, and my three guy friends were absolutely drooling, tongues lolling out of their mouths, and just begging like puppy dogs for the treat of her attention. As I was looking at each of their eager faces I had the absolute and complete epiphany to not get jealous of this stunningly beautiful girl. Though every instinct in me told me I should be jealous of her since she was so dark and lovely and all the guys were panting for her, I realized what really was there to be jealous of? I did not want the affections of any of the three guys. If I did not desire them and their attention then why should I care that they were giving it all to another?
And more importantly she was so polar opposite of everything that I am, I should only want someone who wants and appreciates me. I don't want to compete with someone, I want someone to want me and me alone. If they aren't interested in me, then I am not interested in them and I shouldn't have to try or vie for their attention. It was such a freeing thought, I have never had much of a problem with jealousy but whenever it creeps into my thinking I think of sitting around that table and realizing that what I wanted wasn't there so why be jealous because someone else was in the spotlight. Everybody deserves a chance to shine, why not let everyone have a turn. It's not always all about me.
Where I have big, frizzy hair, big energy and a big mouth to match, my new friend Martina, was cool, calm and quite. We were so different and instead of wishing I were like her and wanting to be her, I realized that any guy interested in her would not be into me, so it was like we were not even in competition anyway, so why bother wanting to be like her and then have to compete with her. I had cornered the market on loud, obnoxious, blonds so why try and enter in the running with the silent, sleek brunettes.
So this one time in Lakeland after being lost for about an hour and a half I finally arrived at the new outdoor venue for the church meeting stressed out and frustrated. My group of ladies found seats in front of a wide busy aisle full of kids and people walking to and fro which I found to be distracting in my current frazzled state of mind. Since I was having trouble focusing on worshiping there I wanted to walk closer to the stage and join the crowd bunched around the stage and two of the other ladies joined me.
I have been going to rock concerts forever so crowd navigation is a honed skill that I have perfected where you move into the gaps and try not to step on any ones toes figuratively and literally. It wasn't that I wanted to be on the front row but I just wanted to get to the place that felt right so I kept restlessly zig zagging our little group through the crowd. I knew I would know the right spot when I found it and nothing had felt right yet, either the guys were to tall in front of us, or the ladies were wildly dancing or somebody smelled funny so I kept moving on.
Finally all three of us arrived on this little rise with lots of open space and a nice breeze blew and I thought,”Ahhhh this is where we are supposed to be.” The restlessness ceased and I smiled peacefully at the other ladies. After the anguishing hours of driving around lost, this is where I am supposed to be, I am finally right where I want to be. I was just so happy to be there under the cloudless sky with my arms stretched towards the heavens and the music pounding through my chest and I was just praising the Lord.
And then the Holy Spirit repeated to me, “You are where you are supposed to be.”
All my torment over wasted time, wasted years, being lost, it was all as it should be to bring me to where I was and to where I am. I am not the dark and lovely Martina, I am not being called to Lebanon, I am Me and that is exactly who God wants me to be and where I am in my walk with Him right now is where He expects me to be.
I am not some spiritual giant. I don't know the Bible backwards and forwards, yet. I can not change the past but I can work to have a better, brighter future. Lord please help us not to vie for other people's gifts and spiritual abilities but let us instead seek to improve what you have already endowed in us and let us rejoice and encourage others in theirs.
Let us thirst for more of You in every area of our lives and ask for more gifting, more abilities, more capabilities, more desires, more drive, more hunger, more leadership, more responsibly, more accountability, more anointing, more of Your awesome presence in every way, shape, and form of our existence. Lord please, please Lord, more, more, more!!!
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." Psalm 139:13-18
Heaven Helped Me 7/24/08
Love Always,
A*
Scotch-guard
We are a combination of two unique sets of DNA and with nature and nurture we are determined in some part due to our chemical makeup and our upbringing. My DNA are often at war with each other and have opposing views and approaches on matters.
--- For instance I have these two polar opposites: from my fathers side Mr. Optimistic Gullibility and from my mothers side Ms. Negative Skepticism. These came into play the other day when I was befriended by a fellow shopper who told me I should definitely buy the cute wedge flip-flops I was admiring. I said well they are cute now but since they are white they will be dreadful when they are all dirty. Suddenly the sales woman pops out of nowhere and pipes up saying that she had bought that same exact pair for her daughter and had sprayed scotch-guard on them and they had stayed white all season long.
My DNA battled in which Ms. Negative Skepticism said, "The sales lady works on commission and is childless, the supposed random shopper is hired by the store, and scotch-guard causes cancer!" but Mr. Optimistic Gullibility said, "You can help the sales lady feed all her kids with her commission, the other shopper is right these are cute, scotch-guard can work wonders and everything "supposedly" causes cancer, right."
With much trepidation Mr. Gullibility won, with Ms. Skepticism making the stipulation that my parents had to already have scotch-guard otherwise purchasing a can of the carcinogen would throw the whole "they're on sale" rational out the window. My fear was unfounded- that the only can I might find would be one from 1979 rusting to oblivion in the garage because I found what appeared to be a new full bottle under the kitchen sink.
"It's serendipity", trilled optimistic, "you should definitely keep the shoes!" "It's a can of cancer that you probably bought when you lived here and left it, dingbat," skepticism grumped.
A few days later, after I got home from work around 9:30 pm and noticed that it was particular windy out so I thought it would be good time to spray down the shoes outside. My thinking being: More wind= less dry time.
Note to self: Don't try and spray known carcinogen in highly windy conditions.
No matter what way I stood it was downwind because a storm was rolling in and the winds were just whipping wildly in every direction. I saturated the shoes and hung them on a hangar somewhat precariously on the stair rail and went back into my condo. I then promptly forgot about them.
Therefore More wind=me getting more scotch-guarded than shoes + who cares about dry time because I completely forgot about them outside....
It wasn't until after 11:00 pm that I heard a loud thump noise outside my front door and went to investigate. It probably was the shoes falling off the railing and when I went to pick them up one of the shoes fell off the hangar and that part of the hangar then shot back towards me flicking a blob of scotch-guard directly into my left eye.
Yes, I know one of those one in a million, kinda things. I think at first I did the wave my hands frantically in front of my face while saying, "Oh no, oh no!" kind of thing. I started running, blind in one eye, back to my front door but then I remembered that my friend "Batty" the bat was hanging over the door. I always worry that excessive hand waving might cause him to suddenly dive bomb my hair and try and nest there or he might misinterpret my hand motions as ones for come on in and have a cup of tea. So I tried to regain some composure for Batty's sake and went inside and started flushing my eye.
I can safely say that I excessively flushed my eye so well that the other eye received quite a bit of flushing as well. Since all my makeup had long since left down the drain and it was nearing bedtime I decided to go ahead and apply liberal amounts of Clearasil. This is a white paste like substance, similar in consistency to toothpaste that prevents and treats acne and I applied large blobs to the many zits on my face. The results of which looked like the snow capped Alps majestically scattered around my visage. Staring into my blood red eyes I suddenly remembered what had caused their color and went back outside to get the shoes.
Ms. Negative offered her medical advice that, "You are going to go blind now all because you wanted white shoes, pride goeth before a fall, watch out for Batty, while you are at it, probably has rabies." Meanwhile good ole' Mr. Optimistic is singing softly, "Your shoes are now going to stay white all season long, just like her daughters and Batty is eating all the mosquitoes, hooray."
It's around 12:15 when I go out to pick up the shoes and notice that it is finally starting to rain. This reminds me that I should sprinkle the grass seed on the bare patches in my yard. I go inside and get a ever versatile Shakespeare's cup, go in my laundry room, fill it with grass seed, go back outside and sprinkle it. I keep repeating this praying for Batty to leave me alone until it dawns on me to just bring the whole bag outside. Mid sprinkle, listening to the rain, I decide I am finally going to mess with my neighbors drain pipe that isn't connected properly with the black corrugated plastic drain. I walk by it daily and it always bothers me but I have never fixed it and now that it is raining seems like the time.
I am squatting down, fiddling with it, when suddenly I am blasted with lights. My next door neighbor bursts from her car as I am standing up, blushing and bashful to have been illuminated in a rather embarrassing posture on her side of the condo, messing with her stuff. I don't know my neighbor at all and our paths very occasionally cross. She hasn't lived there very long and I guess her to be in college, early twenties.
Since it is now after midnight ,around 12:30 she is fresh from the bar, actually no one is ever fresh from a bar more like bleary eyed, wobbly and bubbly but cute as can be in a little, shiny, outfit. I mumble out, "I'm sorry I was just fixing your drain pipe there, I didn't want you to think I was weird or something."
As soon as the words came out of my mouth.....I was like Uh Oh....Mental assessment....Mental assessment...of what I currently looked like:
Mental Check List:
Left eye very red and currently oozing, check. Right eye, red and watery (not as scary), check. Face covered in white mountains of Clearasil, check. Right hand holding cup full of grass seed, check. Odd outfit of ugly t-shirt now coated in scotch-guard, check. Batty currently not residing in hair, (thankfully) check. Standing outside at 12:30 at night sprinkling grass seed in the rain and fixing neighbors drain pipe, check. Me weird, check.
To cover my embarrassment I explain that I think she might have squirrels trying to live in her drainpipe because I see them around the opening all the time and making all kinds of noise there. At this exact moment her friend arrives in an equally small outfit carrying a bottle of alcohol half her size and gives a slurry hello. My neighbor starts absolutely freaking out to her friend about my squirrel theory and how she knew squirrels were living in her drain and nobody would believe her and everybody thought she was crazy and she is going to call her dad right now and tell him. I just kinda stood there and then went back to sprinkling the rest of my grass seed while the two girls loudly went inside.
I started laughing to myself because in the state they were in they didn't even notice how weird I appeared. And as a matter of fact I also thought she sounded kinda crazy when she got so excited about the squirrels living in her drain pipe. I hope she didn't wake up her dad.
Mr. Optimistic Gullible happily concedes that the shoes will bless whoever purchases them by staying white all season long as if by magic, because I returned them. Ms. Negative Skepticism worries that Batty and the squirrels are plotting a takeover and maybe I should scotch-guard a perimeter around my yard to keep everything clean but it would never work....
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38
1 Peter 3:8-9 "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8-9
Lord help us not to judge ourselves and others, let us forgive each other for their past transgressions and forgive ourselves for our pasts as well. Let us become new creations in You, Lord, help us to be more like you, Jesus.
Heaven helped me 7/13/08
Love Always,
A*
--- For instance I have these two polar opposites: from my fathers side Mr. Optimistic Gullibility and from my mothers side Ms. Negative Skepticism. These came into play the other day when I was befriended by a fellow shopper who told me I should definitely buy the cute wedge flip-flops I was admiring. I said well they are cute now but since they are white they will be dreadful when they are all dirty. Suddenly the sales woman pops out of nowhere and pipes up saying that she had bought that same exact pair for her daughter and had sprayed scotch-guard on them and they had stayed white all season long.
My DNA battled in which Ms. Negative Skepticism said, "The sales lady works on commission and is childless, the supposed random shopper is hired by the store, and scotch-guard causes cancer!" but Mr. Optimistic Gullibility said, "You can help the sales lady feed all her kids with her commission, the other shopper is right these are cute, scotch-guard can work wonders and everything "supposedly" causes cancer, right."
With much trepidation Mr. Gullibility won, with Ms. Skepticism making the stipulation that my parents had to already have scotch-guard otherwise purchasing a can of the carcinogen would throw the whole "they're on sale" rational out the window. My fear was unfounded- that the only can I might find would be one from 1979 rusting to oblivion in the garage because I found what appeared to be a new full bottle under the kitchen sink.
"It's serendipity", trilled optimistic, "you should definitely keep the shoes!" "It's a can of cancer that you probably bought when you lived here and left it, dingbat," skepticism grumped.
A few days later, after I got home from work around 9:30 pm and noticed that it was particular windy out so I thought it would be good time to spray down the shoes outside. My thinking being: More wind= less dry time.
Note to self: Don't try and spray known carcinogen in highly windy conditions.
No matter what way I stood it was downwind because a storm was rolling in and the winds were just whipping wildly in every direction. I saturated the shoes and hung them on a hangar somewhat precariously on the stair rail and went back into my condo. I then promptly forgot about them.
Therefore More wind=me getting more scotch-guarded than shoes + who cares about dry time because I completely forgot about them outside....
It wasn't until after 11:00 pm that I heard a loud thump noise outside my front door and went to investigate. It probably was the shoes falling off the railing and when I went to pick them up one of the shoes fell off the hangar and that part of the hangar then shot back towards me flicking a blob of scotch-guard directly into my left eye.
Yes, I know one of those one in a million, kinda things. I think at first I did the wave my hands frantically in front of my face while saying, "Oh no, oh no!" kind of thing. I started running, blind in one eye, back to my front door but then I remembered that my friend "Batty" the bat was hanging over the door. I always worry that excessive hand waving might cause him to suddenly dive bomb my hair and try and nest there or he might misinterpret my hand motions as ones for come on in and have a cup of tea. So I tried to regain some composure for Batty's sake and went inside and started flushing my eye.
I can safely say that I excessively flushed my eye so well that the other eye received quite a bit of flushing as well. Since all my makeup had long since left down the drain and it was nearing bedtime I decided to go ahead and apply liberal amounts of Clearasil. This is a white paste like substance, similar in consistency to toothpaste that prevents and treats acne and I applied large blobs to the many zits on my face. The results of which looked like the snow capped Alps majestically scattered around my visage. Staring into my blood red eyes I suddenly remembered what had caused their color and went back outside to get the shoes.
Ms. Negative offered her medical advice that, "You are going to go blind now all because you wanted white shoes, pride goeth before a fall, watch out for Batty, while you are at it, probably has rabies." Meanwhile good ole' Mr. Optimistic is singing softly, "Your shoes are now going to stay white all season long, just like her daughters and Batty is eating all the mosquitoes, hooray."
It's around 12:15 when I go out to pick up the shoes and notice that it is finally starting to rain. This reminds me that I should sprinkle the grass seed on the bare patches in my yard. I go inside and get a ever versatile Shakespeare's cup, go in my laundry room, fill it with grass seed, go back outside and sprinkle it. I keep repeating this praying for Batty to leave me alone until it dawns on me to just bring the whole bag outside. Mid sprinkle, listening to the rain, I decide I am finally going to mess with my neighbors drain pipe that isn't connected properly with the black corrugated plastic drain. I walk by it daily and it always bothers me but I have never fixed it and now that it is raining seems like the time.
I am squatting down, fiddling with it, when suddenly I am blasted with lights. My next door neighbor bursts from her car as I am standing up, blushing and bashful to have been illuminated in a rather embarrassing posture on her side of the condo, messing with her stuff. I don't know my neighbor at all and our paths very occasionally cross. She hasn't lived there very long and I guess her to be in college, early twenties.
Since it is now after midnight ,around 12:30 she is fresh from the bar, actually no one is ever fresh from a bar more like bleary eyed, wobbly and bubbly but cute as can be in a little, shiny, outfit. I mumble out, "I'm sorry I was just fixing your drain pipe there, I didn't want you to think I was weird or something."
As soon as the words came out of my mouth.....I was like Uh Oh....Mental assessment....Mental assessment...of what I currently looked like:
Mental Check List:
Left eye very red and currently oozing, check. Right eye, red and watery (not as scary), check. Face covered in white mountains of Clearasil, check. Right hand holding cup full of grass seed, check. Odd outfit of ugly t-shirt now coated in scotch-guard, check. Batty currently not residing in hair, (thankfully) check. Standing outside at 12:30 at night sprinkling grass seed in the rain and fixing neighbors drain pipe, check. Me weird, check.
To cover my embarrassment I explain that I think she might have squirrels trying to live in her drainpipe because I see them around the opening all the time and making all kinds of noise there. At this exact moment her friend arrives in an equally small outfit carrying a bottle of alcohol half her size and gives a slurry hello. My neighbor starts absolutely freaking out to her friend about my squirrel theory and how she knew squirrels were living in her drain and nobody would believe her and everybody thought she was crazy and she is going to call her dad right now and tell him. I just kinda stood there and then went back to sprinkling the rest of my grass seed while the two girls loudly went inside.
I started laughing to myself because in the state they were in they didn't even notice how weird I appeared. And as a matter of fact I also thought she sounded kinda crazy when she got so excited about the squirrels living in her drain pipe. I hope she didn't wake up her dad.
Mr. Optimistic Gullible happily concedes that the shoes will bless whoever purchases them by staying white all season long as if by magic, because I returned them. Ms. Negative Skepticism worries that Batty and the squirrels are plotting a takeover and maybe I should scotch-guard a perimeter around my yard to keep everything clean but it would never work....
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37-38
1 Peter 3:8-9 "Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." 1 Peter 3:8-9
Lord help us not to judge ourselves and others, let us forgive each other for their past transgressions and forgive ourselves for our pasts as well. Let us become new creations in You, Lord, help us to be more like you, Jesus.
Heaven helped me 7/13/08
Love Always,
A*
Electric Wheelchair
About a block away from our church one Sunday morning, I happened to notice a woman in an electric wheelchair who had dropped her purse and was struggling trying to pick it up off the ground. Just as I was thinking I should pull over and help her, I watched the car in front of me instantly pull up alongside her, just as someone walking to church jogged up and bent down and picked up her purse and handed it to her.
Wow, it blessed me just watching how we church members as a group instantly responded with help to someone in need of assistance. By land and vehicle we swarmed to help one woman in a wheelchair who had dropped her purse. How many of us are walking around every day handicap on the inside and how many of us need help picking up the pieces of our lives.
We are not so obvious with what cripples us and hinders us from being able to reach the things we are trying to achieve. Maybe it's abuse in our pasts, divorce, past failures, a sense of unworthiness or lack of acceptance, maybe you were teased or feel overweight, underpaid, under appreciated...
whatever these things are that may be crippling you and not letting you walk properly with your shoulders high or run with joy in your hearts, God wants to heal you. Whatever it may be I know that God wants to help you find wholeness. It might just be someone walking down the street or driving down the road that can help you pick up your purse. So try and be open to letting them help you help yourself or take a good look in the mirror and try lifting yourself out of your wheelchair today.
Wow, it blessed me just watching how we church members as a group instantly responded with help to someone in need of assistance. By land and vehicle we swarmed to help one woman in a wheelchair who had dropped her purse. How many of us are walking around every day handicap on the inside and how many of us need help picking up the pieces of our lives.
We are not so obvious with what cripples us and hinders us from being able to reach the things we are trying to achieve. Maybe it's abuse in our pasts, divorce, past failures, a sense of unworthiness or lack of acceptance, maybe you were teased or feel overweight, underpaid, under appreciated...
whatever these things are that may be crippling you and not letting you walk properly with your shoulders high or run with joy in your hearts, God wants to heal you. Whatever it may be I know that God wants to help you find wholeness. It might just be someone walking down the street or driving down the road that can help you pick up your purse. So try and be open to letting them help you help yourself or take a good look in the mirror and try lifting yourself out of your wheelchair today.
Freedom Day
Last night I had an epiphany while brushing my teeth. I was actually going to embrace and celebrate what fourth of July is all about, it is about Freedom and Independence. America broke free from mother England and began to formulate it's own type of government and became a self governing country way back when on July 4, 1776. I decided I was going to have my own “freedom day” and do whatever I wanted.
After all it is a holiday and I don't have to go into work, so I should be ready to light some bottle rockets and let go, right? I had been asked by various friends to go out of town and do the typical stuff of bar-b-cues, bikinis, and fireworks etc. I had even accepted some of these invitations with rather wishy-washy maybes. What I realized though is that I really didn't feel like doing ANY of those things. I didn't want to drive anywhere with gas so pricey, I didn't feel like cooking and I just didn't feel like doing anything. If I was honest, what I really wanted to do was stay at home and clean my house and organize my closet, two things I have been putting off forever. I now live an exciting life!
As I was polishing away on the pearly whites I thought to myself why do I think I should go out of town and do “something.” Who am I trying to please? Am I afraid I won't sound “cool” whenever everybody asks me what I did or am doing for the 4th ? Am I worried they will think I have no friends and no life? I shouldn't care what they think. My friends will forgive me for not coming to visit, they are nice and understanding. Am I really that afraid of letting them down or of their disapproval? The 4th of July is just a day like any other on a calendar and it is all about what you make of it and how you celebrate it. I want to celebrate it as Freedom day in which I am free to do what I like and not care about what anyone else thinks about it. Only God's opinion matters.
I came to the earth rumbling revelation that I needed to stop living my life seeking other's approval and only desire God's approval. His is the only one that matters. My whole life I have looked at everything through the lenses of my parent's eyes in seeing what they would see and what they would think.
Not that I did what I thought they would approve of but I constantly assessed situations with their opinions in mind. I felt the Lord clearly tell me I needed to shatter those lens and see things for myself and see things with my own eyes. See clearly for yourself. Stop seeking your parents approval or anyone else's.
“Today's man or woman must get his or her approval from God only. 'How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44) The Anointing by R.T. Kendall)”
Freedom day doesn't just have to be tomorrow it can be everyday, hopefully you are already free! Lord reveal to us right now the ways in which we bind and keep ourselves from not fully living the incredible lives you want us to live. Free us Lord from whatever is holding us back from more and more and more of you. Happy Freedom Day and God Bless You!!!
Heaven helped me 7/3/08
Love Always,
A*
After all it is a holiday and I don't have to go into work, so I should be ready to light some bottle rockets and let go, right? I had been asked by various friends to go out of town and do the typical stuff of bar-b-cues, bikinis, and fireworks etc. I had even accepted some of these invitations with rather wishy-washy maybes. What I realized though is that I really didn't feel like doing ANY of those things. I didn't want to drive anywhere with gas so pricey, I didn't feel like cooking and I just didn't feel like doing anything. If I was honest, what I really wanted to do was stay at home and clean my house and organize my closet, two things I have been putting off forever. I now live an exciting life!
As I was polishing away on the pearly whites I thought to myself why do I think I should go out of town and do “something.” Who am I trying to please? Am I afraid I won't sound “cool” whenever everybody asks me what I did or am doing for the 4th ? Am I worried they will think I have no friends and no life? I shouldn't care what they think. My friends will forgive me for not coming to visit, they are nice and understanding. Am I really that afraid of letting them down or of their disapproval? The 4th of July is just a day like any other on a calendar and it is all about what you make of it and how you celebrate it. I want to celebrate it as Freedom day in which I am free to do what I like and not care about what anyone else thinks about it. Only God's opinion matters.
I came to the earth rumbling revelation that I needed to stop living my life seeking other's approval and only desire God's approval. His is the only one that matters. My whole life I have looked at everything through the lenses of my parent's eyes in seeing what they would see and what they would think.
Not that I did what I thought they would approve of but I constantly assessed situations with their opinions in mind. I felt the Lord clearly tell me I needed to shatter those lens and see things for myself and see things with my own eyes. See clearly for yourself. Stop seeking your parents approval or anyone else's.
“Today's man or woman must get his or her approval from God only. 'How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?” (John 5:44) The Anointing by R.T. Kendall)”
Freedom day doesn't just have to be tomorrow it can be everyday, hopefully you are already free! Lord reveal to us right now the ways in which we bind and keep ourselves from not fully living the incredible lives you want us to live. Free us Lord from whatever is holding us back from more and more and more of you. Happy Freedom Day and God Bless You!!!
Heaven helped me 7/3/08
Love Always,
A*
Network
Below are Daily Words that I have just started receiving via a website and I am enjoying them so much I thought I would pass these two on to you. The second one made me realize that whether or not we realize it we are a powerful spiritual network.
Today's Daily Word - Saturday, June 14, 2008
Honor
I live a life of honor by honoring all life.
Our family traditions are precious whether they are newly formed or have been passed down for generations. As we observe holidays and occasions, we may join with those in our extended families: our neighbors and those in our spiritual communities.
Honoring the presence of God within us and all others, holding all that God has created in high esteem, we bring an integrity of spirit to each day. We go about doing this flowing in myriad ways from the diversity in our family units and our communities, a diversity that honors us all.
We pass forward, person to person, generation to generation, how we live lives of honor by honoring all life. We give expression to the qualities of Spirit within us that inspire and encourage us, that validate who we are as spiritual beings.
"Honor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his place."-1 Chronicles 16:27
Today's Daily Word - Monday, June 16, 2008 Prayer Partner
The Christ Spirit inspires us as faith-filled prayer partners.
As we partner with others in life-affirming prayer, we contribute to a powerful spiritual network. Our network of prayer supports the well-being of a multitude: we are praying friends who believe-with one another and for others-that we have total well-being through the indwelling Christ Spirit.
Joined in prayer, affirming the Christ Presence within, we have a great strength and a powerful impact on one another. What we may seem unable to accomplish on our own, we do accomplish as praying friends.
If one of us calls Silent Unity for prayer support, each individual in our network of prayer partners is blessed. We go about our day and rest peacefully at night knowing that we are being held in continuous, faith-filled prayer.
"For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end."-Hebrews 3:14
These are from this website http://www.dailyword.com/?s=DW_Email
When I went to Lakeland, Florida I had printed out all the email addresses that I send my little emails to in the hopes that I would pray for all of you and the email list in general. On the first night there they said that the next night they were going to collect peoples prayer requests via email and direct submission and anoint them with oil and then burn them as we all prayed over them. I don't know how some of you might react to this idea but I thought it was awesome, it was like we were making a burnt offering to the Lord like I had read so much about in the Old testament. I had also previously printed out a list of people I wanted to pray about for specific reasons and many of you were on it (oh, yeah I pray for you whether you like it or not).
I was so excited that I already had these nicely printed requests to submit and not some suddenly scrawled out submissions to add to the fire. In seeing the large email list in black and white for the first time it really freaked me out and I struggled all over again with what am I doing, what am I thinking? I am not even a good writer or much of a proof reader-which is constantly pointed out to me by my parents.
The image of little baby fish came to me when I was thinking about my emails all swimming out to sea and not knowing where they go or what happens to them. I watched a nature show the other day in which these bright orange, land crabs all migrate across the island at the same time to release their eggs in the ocean. The female crabs release all their eggs and then crawl back to their homes on land all over the island. Their unprotected eggs which hatch immediately upon entry into the ocean are left swirling around in big white clouds vulnerable to many different hungry predators. I don't even know if my emails make it to in-boxes or to junk mail folders or just get deleted because they are to long.
http://www.christmas.net.au/parks/crabs/ -- I think these are the crabs.
In my house, we grew up with fish tanks and my dad meticulously took care of them as he does with everything. I remember when the colorful tailed guppies would have babies we had to keep them in a little square net enclosure that protected them from the other fish in the tank and from the babies parents. The parents would actually eat their young. (In retrospect I guess my parents aren't so bad) This particular picture came to mind when I thought about releasing all my little emails into the sea, sometimes I want to go and eat them before you read them because so many of them are embarrassing or show me in a bad light.
The truth of the matter is I have no idea who all my emails go out to as I have never really looked closely at the list since its conception with the first email. I have no idea who actually even reads the emails once I have sent them and try not to care. With these emails there has been created a spiritual network...an odd mishmash of people I know, barely know, met one time and or friends from forever. And whether or not we all realize it - we are a network.
Some of the definitions of network are:
1. any net-like combination of filaments, lines, veins, passages, or the like: a network of arteries
2. an association of individuals having a common interest, formed to provide mutual assistance, helpful information, or the like
3. system of interrelated buildings, offices, stations, etc., esp. over a large area or throughout a country, territory, region, etc
I am sure many of you have your own spiritual networks made up of various people in your lives, church, family, work etc. and now we are all connecting our networks to other networks all over the globe. For instance my friend from Canada poses the question to me, “What if Jesus had a laptop” and I tell his question to my friend in Kentucky. There is a network of sharing taking place here, a sharing of ideas, a sharing of experiences, a sharing of God's awesome affects/effects in our lives...God is soooooo BIG and His influence is BIG. You are experiencing a tiny, tiny piece of it right now, wherever you are.
You just reading this are a part of something, something in His plan. Okay, maybe this sounds crazy and maybe I am freaking out over nothing, but I don't think I am. What you do makes a difference, every word you say to the counter clerk at Walgreens can matter, so make it matter. Be a good influence in your network. Say words that heal not hurt. “Pray for one another so that we might be healed”....spiritually, mentally and physically...deep in your heart kind of healing. You matter, you are a part of something so much bigger than you can even imagine, be a positive part of that something!
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me, unfortunately it can't proof read for me... 6/16/08
Today's Daily Word - Saturday, June 14, 2008
Honor
I live a life of honor by honoring all life.
Our family traditions are precious whether they are newly formed or have been passed down for generations. As we observe holidays and occasions, we may join with those in our extended families: our neighbors and those in our spiritual communities.
Honoring the presence of God within us and all others, holding all that God has created in high esteem, we bring an integrity of spirit to each day. We go about doing this flowing in myriad ways from the diversity in our family units and our communities, a diversity that honors us all.
We pass forward, person to person, generation to generation, how we live lives of honor by honoring all life. We give expression to the qualities of Spirit within us that inspire and encourage us, that validate who we are as spiritual beings.
"Honor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his place."-1 Chronicles 16:27
Today's Daily Word - Monday, June 16, 2008 Prayer Partner
The Christ Spirit inspires us as faith-filled prayer partners.
As we partner with others in life-affirming prayer, we contribute to a powerful spiritual network. Our network of prayer supports the well-being of a multitude: we are praying friends who believe-with one another and for others-that we have total well-being through the indwelling Christ Spirit.
Joined in prayer, affirming the Christ Presence within, we have a great strength and a powerful impact on one another. What we may seem unable to accomplish on our own, we do accomplish as praying friends.
If one of us calls Silent Unity for prayer support, each individual in our network of prayer partners is blessed. We go about our day and rest peacefully at night knowing that we are being held in continuous, faith-filled prayer.
"For we have become partners of Christ, if only we hold our first confidence firm to the end."-Hebrews 3:14
These are from this website http://www.dailyword.com/?s=DW_Email
When I went to Lakeland, Florida I had printed out all the email addresses that I send my little emails to in the hopes that I would pray for all of you and the email list in general. On the first night there they said that the next night they were going to collect peoples prayer requests via email and direct submission and anoint them with oil and then burn them as we all prayed over them. I don't know how some of you might react to this idea but I thought it was awesome, it was like we were making a burnt offering to the Lord like I had read so much about in the Old testament. I had also previously printed out a list of people I wanted to pray about for specific reasons and many of you were on it (oh, yeah I pray for you whether you like it or not).
I was so excited that I already had these nicely printed requests to submit and not some suddenly scrawled out submissions to add to the fire. In seeing the large email list in black and white for the first time it really freaked me out and I struggled all over again with what am I doing, what am I thinking? I am not even a good writer or much of a proof reader-which is constantly pointed out to me by my parents.
The image of little baby fish came to me when I was thinking about my emails all swimming out to sea and not knowing where they go or what happens to them. I watched a nature show the other day in which these bright orange, land crabs all migrate across the island at the same time to release their eggs in the ocean. The female crabs release all their eggs and then crawl back to their homes on land all over the island. Their unprotected eggs which hatch immediately upon entry into the ocean are left swirling around in big white clouds vulnerable to many different hungry predators. I don't even know if my emails make it to in-boxes or to junk mail folders or just get deleted because they are to long.
http://www.christmas.net.au/parks/crabs/ -- I think these are the crabs.
In my house, we grew up with fish tanks and my dad meticulously took care of them as he does with everything. I remember when the colorful tailed guppies would have babies we had to keep them in a little square net enclosure that protected them from the other fish in the tank and from the babies parents. The parents would actually eat their young. (In retrospect I guess my parents aren't so bad) This particular picture came to mind when I thought about releasing all my little emails into the sea, sometimes I want to go and eat them before you read them because so many of them are embarrassing or show me in a bad light.
The truth of the matter is I have no idea who all my emails go out to as I have never really looked closely at the list since its conception with the first email. I have no idea who actually even reads the emails once I have sent them and try not to care. With these emails there has been created a spiritual network...an odd mishmash of people I know, barely know, met one time and or friends from forever. And whether or not we all realize it - we are a network.
Some of the definitions of network are:
1. any net-like combination of filaments, lines, veins, passages, or the like: a network of arteries
2. an association of individuals having a common interest, formed to provide mutual assistance, helpful information, or the like
3. system of interrelated buildings, offices, stations, etc., esp. over a large area or throughout a country, territory, region, etc
I am sure many of you have your own spiritual networks made up of various people in your lives, church, family, work etc. and now we are all connecting our networks to other networks all over the globe. For instance my friend from Canada poses the question to me, “What if Jesus had a laptop” and I tell his question to my friend in Kentucky. There is a network of sharing taking place here, a sharing of ideas, a sharing of experiences, a sharing of God's awesome affects/effects in our lives...God is soooooo BIG and His influence is BIG. You are experiencing a tiny, tiny piece of it right now, wherever you are.
You just reading this are a part of something, something in His plan. Okay, maybe this sounds crazy and maybe I am freaking out over nothing, but I don't think I am. What you do makes a difference, every word you say to the counter clerk at Walgreens can matter, so make it matter. Be a good influence in your network. Say words that heal not hurt. “Pray for one another so that we might be healed”....spiritually, mentally and physically...deep in your heart kind of healing. You matter, you are a part of something so much bigger than you can even imagine, be a positive part of that something!
Love Always,
A*
Heaven helped me, unfortunately it can't proof read for me... 6/16/08
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